A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years in September, I was in a really bad state, and then he got with someone else 2 weeks later, my biggest rival, who is very much similar to me, just more clever and nicer. I know it's cliché, but I genuinely didn't believe he'd do such a thing, so much that I'd have pretty much bet my life on him not doing anything like that! This obviously tore me apart.However I've now come to terms with it, and I've recently began to get really close to another guy, he's been a close friend for a good few years, and to be perfectly honest, I've always had a different kind of relationship with him, see I'm quite an awkward person to be honest, I struggle to maintain a conversation with most people, but he is one of very few that I can actually talk to, and this means a lot to me. I would like a relationship with him in the future, but I'm not sure if he likes me like that, and this whole situation of being dumped for someone else has really knocked my confidence. This guy is a year younger than me, and he's of mixed race, although I couldn't care less about this, I'm also concerned about what other people would think, I know I shouldn't care, but no matter how many times you tell me that, I'm not going to change, unfortunately, that's how I am. So what I'm asking for is some advice on how to go about the future and how to try and get a relationship out of it, but I don't want to go down the whole flirtatious route because that wouldn't be a true representation of me and I don't believe that sets up the right kind of relationship. So, any help would be greatly appreciated :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): You don't care about what race he is, but you are bothered about what other people think of you dating him because of it. As you get older, with time the latter will become like the former. Trust me on that. At your age the opinions of others are still pretty much everything, but there comes a point when you couldn't care less anymore about what anyone else thinks. You realise that this is *your* life; you've only got one and you're going to live it how *you* want to. Right now though, I understand why the prospect of that could feel like too much pressure to bear!
Don't worry about the future. Just get to know this guy as a person for now, and see how things develop. You know, you'll often find that when you're actually in a situation, it's much easier to handle than you thought it would be. Try not to let other people's ignorant judgment and unfair criticism make important decisions for you. At the end of the day, it's what *you* want and need that counts. If at some point you find you truly want to be with this guy (and vice versa, of course) then don't be afraid to go for it. Love conquers all, remember? :) Wishing you all the best with this. Take care x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCan I just point out, the question that has automatically been produced gives a false impression, this issue is that I don't know how to get with him, not about his race, because as I said, it doesn't bother me!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): Why not just tell him your interested and ask him if he is interested too. I know how scary this is, frankly it's terrifying, but I did this with a good friend of mine who I was inetrested in and now we have been in a relationship for over a year, and happier than either of us have ever been. If he says he's not interested then at least you know for sure. I do understand how you feel, I am socially awkward and quite shy when it comes to men, but the risk was worth it. Good Luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): If you like him, why should his race matter at all?
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