A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone and happy Xmas in advance :)So, my bf proposed to me and asked me to marry him in Sept. Which qould be wow! if he hadn't just moved abroad for work (2hr plane ride). I cannot leave my job over here at all. All I can do is go be with him from March to Sept, then I'd have to get back to my job again. He said in a year's time he might manage to get back. Thing is I hate long distance and I feel long distance is not a real relationship (no offence to those who are in one)and I am afraid I might end up alone and stuck in a marriage where he's there and I'm here. I feel very lonely without him around me and although we do love wach other like crazy, I'm afraid things might not work out. Another point is that my dad doesn't approve of this situation at all. He's very aggressive and possessive and told us I'm throwing my life away in such a relationshi/marriage and that I'll be dommed for unhappiness forever, that I should just be rational and drop my bf and look for someone closer. What's a girl to do now? I don't even know wheteher I should go visit him for the holidays now- although I would love to, of course. What should I do? Do as my heart tells me and marry him then start this long distance thing? Or do as my dad/rational side says and leave him? I am shattered.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 December 2011):
 so will the long distance be temporary for work or is this a permanent thing?
if it's temporary and you love this guy then go for it.
the goal of LDRS is to NOT be LDR but to be close.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): Ah, the old dilemma of choosing between your head and your heart...
The advice I give will be more subjective than usual, because I'm in a long-distance relationship myself (no offence taken, don't worry!). I get to see my boyfriend for a long weekend roughly once every other month. And to tell the truth, if he asked me to marry him now I'd say yes... even though we're so young, even though we're in two different countries, even if we couldn't see each other more often than we do at the moment. I know that *my* dad would absolutely hit the roof for one thing, and it would undoubtedly be a hard and often lonely road to walk. But I'd do it without a second thought, because I love my boyfriend so :)
Nobody can make this call for you, OP. Personally, I'll more often choose my heart over my head. Not that I don't take logic etc. into account of course, but I believe it's easier to find rational ways to work around a situation than it is to pick yourself up when you're heartbroken. Discuss your worries with your partner though and see what he says, because this is one situation where communication is even more important than usual. I wish you the best of luck with this (and a very Merry Christmas too). Take care x
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (19 December 2011):
It's not possible to advise without you being a whole lot more specific about what job he does and what job you do [ ? that allows you to be off for six months of the year ??].
Also whether you have had other relationships and so on.
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