A
female
age
36-40,
*harpie
writes:to make a long story short, i was in a relationship with this guy for about a year. in the beginning, i lied to him about my past, which really hurt him and tainted the relationship. we took a 'break' after that, and since then we've been in this weird 'friends with benefits' situation, but exclusive to one another. (not 'together', and not having sex or seeing anyone else)he just started graduate school and is SUPER busy. We usually have just been hanging out once on the weekends. He recently said that he thinks we should just strictly 'be friends'. We can see who ever we want and should stop having sex. That right now he doesn't want to date, because he doesn't have to time to commit to a relationship and he said he doesn't want to continue to 'half ass' the relationship with us. He said he still cares about me and i'm one of the most important people in his life. That he still WANTS to hang out and have me in his life, but he thinks cutting out all this half assed sex relationship stuff, will help. I told him flat out, that I want us to get back together. I asked him if he though i was stupid for wanting that, and he said no. I'm disappointed that he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now, but i can understand where he's coming from, being so busy with school and not having the proper time for one.I think that this is a perfect time for me to grow as a person and to really learn how to be on my own--since i've always been in a relationship with someone.I don't want to date other people, I have no desire to see any other men. I still care very much about him. He said he doesn't know whats going to happen in the future (who does!?) between us...I'm wondering if its stupid or foolish in a sense that I'm 'waiting' for another chance at 'us'. *sigh*I dont know where to go!
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female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (31 October 2010):
 I knew my boyfriend for two years before we ever thought of each other romantically, we starting dating and three and a half months later we broke up. We were still having sex with each other after we broke up though, kind of like a friends with benefits thing. Then he said that it's completely over and we need to stop sleeping with each other because this other girl wants to date him and blah blah. I say okay (on the verge of tears). Almost four months later, we start talking again and agree to be friends. We start hanging out. I'm carefree and happy and he is jealous because i'm hanging out with other guy friends and not him.I never slept with anyone while him and I were apart. He slept with four people. I just wasn't ready to move on. I love him too much. My advice, if he wants to date other people, then let him go. If you aren't comfortable with seeing other people, then don't. Do what's comfortable for you. If you two get back together, then that's awesome. If not then there will be a day when you are ready to move on and you find someone who wants to be with you and can't live without you. Follow your instincts ( i know that sounds cliche).
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (31 October 2010):
 He's going to date other people, so you might as well do your own thing.
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A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (31 October 2010):
It is not stupid but from the way he sounded it seems like you pushed him further away. When you told him "flat out" you wanted to be in a relationship it sounded aggressive. Him not wanting to have sex anymore is good and bad. It is good because you do not want to be stuck as fwb EVER! It's bad because it is like him saying he doesnt even want to have sex with you. HE told you he only wants to be strictly friends. Not a good sign at all. Your absolute only hope is to give him a lot of space. Let him come to you. It is possible. After he seems like he is coming around and wanting to talk to you more then take it very very slow. Build up positive moments. DO NOT DEMAND HIM TO BE WITH YOU, DO NOT GIVE HIM ULTIMATUMS EVER. In the meantime work on yourself and have fun, live your life. Nothing wrong with hoping, just be prepared if you get another chance.
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A
female
reader, MAGGIE2010 +, writes (31 October 2010):
 There are plenty of fish in the sea... you are young and can have whoever you want.so dont just stick with this loser go out and find you someone else and be strong about letting him go. Who knows he may see you with someone else and see that you are having fun and relize that he messed up and will come back to you. But i promise as the day goes by... he is a loser and you need to dump him....
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (31 October 2010):
 The reason why you broke up is because he can't handle your past (talk about retroactive jealousy), and not because he is busy. It's not stupid to want something, but it is to wait for something that won't be. He said he didn't know what would happen in the future because he couldn't stand seeing you hurting by just saying BBBBBYYYYYYYEEEE. He cares for you, he wouldn't want to just drop you like a hot potato. But if you keep on insisting what you want then he might have to do that. It's not that you are not worthy of love. He has some issues and he's not a suitable guy to make you happy. He won't have sex not because he doesn't have the time, because he doesn't want to use you and lead you on. I honestly think that it is more considerate of him to just cut all contact with you, but you must not take that personally. And always remember that your past is none of anyone's business.
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