A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I am a 21 year old male, and I have always thought of myself has 100% hetrosexual. I had my first serious sexual relationship at 17 and have had another serious sexual relationship at 20. I am now in my third serious sexual relationship but anyway I will get to the subject.about a week ago I have began to notice guys, not like in a serious way or people are 'real' just people who are in bands and stuff and comic book characters and other fantasy type people,I have began to freak out and think I am Bi. However there are some contradictions. I am not intrested in anal sex at all, and the idea of gay porn repulses me and makes me feel sick. I do not get sexually aroused by guys and the idea of 2 guys kissing is just 'wrong' to me. I am in a long distance relationship with a girl in spain, we have been together for a year. when I masterbate I lose my erection and when i do I have PE. I am extreamly anxious about thinking i might be gay/bi the suspense is eating me up inside and I can not sleep properly as I will have to wait 2 months before I see my gf again. what age does bisexuality usually develop in as I am 21 and I believe if I really was Bi it would of developed before now. when I masturbte I feel extreamly nervous that i wn get turned on and that my sexual orientation has changed. but when my mind is on other things I dont notice guys at all what is wrong with me!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): Perhaps you're just bi-curious, loads of people are at some point. Some people realise their sexuality when they're as young as ten years old, others don't realise until they're in their 30s or 40s. However if you're in a relationship which is good and you both love each other then right now you have no worries =]
A
female
reader, Too Sensitive  +, writes (28 January 2009):
It is normal for a person to notice another of the same sex in an "attractive" fashion. Just as you would notice a beautiful flower, mountain scenery, or admire the ocean. There are things we notice and are attracted to that have nothing to do with sex or sexual orientation. I as a female can appreciate the beauty, attractiveness, or even sexiness of another female. I am not gay, I am not even bi-sexual. I can merely appreciate or even at times be drawn to these things in another. Just as I would notice or be attracted to these things in a man. It's all part of being human and having an appreciation for certain qualities in other people, whether they be the opposite sex or the same sex. The human eye is drawn to that which is appealing to us, and to those which we admire.
It is also common to have fantasies that are nowhere near what we would like to happen in reality, esp. sexual fantasies. There are many men who fantasize about having two women at the same time, when in reality they really don't want to try this. They know they wouldn't be able to handle it, and they know that this would make them nervous as hell! Of course there are many others who fantasize about this and would make it a reality if possible (or already have). There are women who sometimes fantasize about being with another woman, when in reality they know if it came down to it, this is something they really would not be comfortable with. It's just a fantasy that stimulates the mind (and the body), but a fantasy they truly do not want to turn into a reality (I am a case in point on this one).
I think the issues you are having with losing your erection stem from your nervousness and new doubts about your sexual orientation. Try not to worry, though I can understand why you are feeling the way you are.
If you are truly gay or bi, you will know it inside in time. But I don't think that is necessarily the case here.
If you discover you are truly gay or bi, just be honest with yourself and those around you, for if you are not, you are destined for a life of deceit and pain. Know yourself, and be comfortable with who you are, instead of trying to be comfortable with the person you think the world expects you to be.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (28 January 2009):
 This is totally normal, dont worry yourself about it. I'm 21 and female, and I will notice other girls from time to time (even thinking some female celebrities are hot!). But I'm the same as you, the thought of being with a woman, seeing women kiss etc is pretty disgusting to me and I know 100% that I would never want to try it.The fact is, you said you dont get aroused by guys. Hence you do not have any sexual feelings towards men therefore you are not bi. I think you have got yourself really worked up here and the more you think about it the more stressed out you will be.Try not to worry and just relax, its perfectly normal to go through this and it doesnt mean that your sexuality is changing at all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): I think its just a phase.everyone seems to go through it (tho they wont admit this)if you fancied guys you probably would have guessed from a younger age..though it varies. If you are still feeling like this in a year then you are either gay or bisexual if you still are attracted to women.just because [if] you are bisexual it does not mean that you cant still have a relationship with your girlfriend. it just means you are attracted to both sexes. some people dont believe in bisexuality but I think it exists.
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