A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm with someone I really love but after we've spent a couple of really intimate days together, I feel like I have to get away and spend time alone. He doesn't understand and wants to spend all the time with me. It ends up causing a lot of arguments and ruining our time. I feel really guilty about it but even though I try, I can't help but pull away. If I stay longer I end up finding fault with him or creating an argument just to put the distance between us. The thing is he really loves me and I don't want to keep hurting him like this. Will I ever feel I can marry him? This is what he consistently says he wants.Thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (3 November 2012):
 I would be very cautious about proceeding too much further with this man. Nobody likes to be suffocated. It is not good that you need to manufacture arguments to get time on your own.
Tell him he needs to back off and acknowledge and respect your desire for alone time. If he can't, then don't proceed any further. My gut tells me he wont be able to acknowledge any needs or wants of his own.
If you really love him enough to put some work in here, consider couples counselling, it may give him some insight into who you are and what you need, it may also help him to understand himself a little as well.
A
male
reader, somewhere_between +, writes (2 November 2012):
 He sounds just a bit to clingy for comfort. I would think very carefully about how far you want the relationship to go. Is he your partner or your owner?
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (2 November 2012):
 I think that's natural to want time apart. If you've tried explaining this and he won't accept it maybe you're not the best match for each other.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (2 November 2012):
 That's normal! When someone spends tons of time with someone, getting away to recharge the battery is healthy! However, don't feel you need to start an argument to get away. That's not healthy.
He's acting clingy and smothering. That's not healthy either. Insecurity drives the need to stay in constant contact, to cling as if he's drowning and you're a life preserver.
You have to tell him how you feel. Relationships *must* breathe, even in marriage. Marriage isn't all about clinging to each other, spending every second of every moment unable to be 3 inches apart. Marriage has separate pursuits as well as an enjoyment of life.
You must tell him how you feel. Tell him you're feeling smothered, and that you love him, but relationships need space to stay healthy.
How long have you been together? You say he mentions marriage all the time, but hasn't proposed? Did he do a lot of things early, like say "I love you" really soon, or want to move in together right away and such?
Remember, if you talk to him and he doesn't get it and keeps the clinginess and smothering up, you might want to make a break, because that's a nightmare when you're feeling like someone's being obsessive about being with you 24/7. That doesn't happen even in marriage when you live together!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): Everyone needs to breathe. Dont marry him if he is that needy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): Could it be your boyfriend is overbearing? Are you treated as his equal or just part of his furniture?
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