A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I rekindled with my ex boyfriend this year and over the last 6 months we have dated a few times and have now become intimate. He came to my work xmas party and we had a great time. That was over 12 days ago. since then he has not called me or wished me happy xmas.I have been waiting for him to make the move as in the pass it has always been me. I want to change the way I handle it this time as I felt I did all the running the last time.Its killing me not talking to him but I dont want to make the move.Any advice please.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2015): (Original Poster)Thank you all for responding. When I got back in touch with him, I knew it was not exclusive as I am the one with the complicated life and family. He is a single guy with no ties.I am not in a relationship and he reached out to me sometime ago even asking a friend about me as he had lost contact.I am not OK with no contact for two weeks particularly over the festive period. He knows how he hurt me before. When we are together he is all over me very affectionate and we hold hands in public, so the situation does confuse me as I feel there is something more there than sex. He did not have to come to the party with me. He left the decision to come very late.I agree that the chasing game is a waste of precious time and I am not playing and I will not be contacting him. I know he will eventually when he is feeling lonely and horny. At this point I will use the opportunity to put him in his place. I was starting to fall for him again, so its been hard but I am not going to allow him to hurt me again.I am a very strong attractive, independent women. I work as Air Cabin Crew, I own two houses and have two grown sons and one at home, I know I can attract a lot of men, but this guy was very special to me,being my first love. We parted due to me as a single girl many years ago experiencing a lot of difficulties that he found hard to cope with as his career progressed.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2015): he sees it as if he did you a favour to attend your works dinner party.
The only other circumstance is if he left really drunk and wrapped the car round the lampost.
You are way past the stage where normal couples would communicate.
If you spent the night together he is using a long gap to make you aware itis not an official thing.
If he's gone back to wifey he is hoping you wont phone and disrupt all.
If a bloke were that casual to me i would be making other plans as I have an early cutoff point.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (27 December 2015):
 I guess I'd want to know who 'rekindled'? Did you reach out to him or did he reach out to you?
The thing that bothers me for you is that he hasn't made contact in 12 days after being your date at your work Christmas party.
Is it possible that you are in a FWB without knowing it? As in, you are friends having sex but do not have to answer for the rest of your time?
I suspect he doesn't think this is rekindled, my guess is that he just finds it comfortable and easy but not a real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
Stop having sex with him. Be upfront about it. You're being treated like a FWB, so make it crystal clear that this is not what you want. (Unless you are okay with FWB?) There's nothing wrong with being specific and clear about what you are looking for.
"Hi -exbf's name-, it was nice to spend time with you at my work do. It's been 2 weeks since I heard from you. I hope you are ok."
See what he comes back with.
If he doesn't respond, stop the rekindling process! No more intimacy! No more FWB, okay?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 December 2015):
 Take the time to consider if you are OK with a partner "ignoring" you for 2 weeks and for you to decide to not bother contacting him either... and then act accordingly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2015): As someone who also went back out with an ex- suprise suprise it was the same as before (and ended as such). There is a reason people say don't go back again lol you did all the chasing last time and you will be doing it again it seems. I think you nee to ask yourself why you are so eager to hear from someone who can't even be bothered to wish you merry xmas. That is just rude (takes 1 min to send a merry xmas text! This childish 'you talk first' game you got yourself into seems very tiring and a waste of time to me. Please ditch this dude and have higher standards for yourself the 'chasing after each other' thing should be equal and there are plenty of new people out there that you don't already have previous (negative) history with. I'm sure plenty of people who would wish you happy xmas! New year new start and all that
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