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anonymous
writes: I can't get over my ex boyfriend. We were so close when we were together but both had very fiery tempers. We were together for 3 years and I felt bored and that I wanted sombody else. We have been apart 1 1/2 years. As soon as we split I realised it was a mistake but turned to someone I had a crush on for sex and some fun to help me get over him. We slowly fell in love and we now live together and have been together for a year and it couldnt be any more perfect.The problem is me and my ex always stayed in contact over the phone and I still told him I loved him and vice versa. He said he could never love anyone else or be as close to them as he was to me but recently everything's changed and I feel lost. He now has a new girlfriend who is older than me and drives. He used to cheat on her at first so how can that be basis for a relationship, How can he love her? Will he ever come back? We are each others' first love.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Paul, writes (22 February 2005): You split up in the first place because you had itchy feet. Now you have a "perfect" relationship and you've got itchy feet again and are sentimentalising an old flame. Exes are very attractive creatures for lots of reasons. They're often good friends as well as previously being lovers. It's all very familiar and easy, and that familiarity will never entirely disappear. It's also very easy to idealise a relationship and to remove all the bad bits into the bargain. If it was all so "meant to be" as you now seem to think then why did you leave him in the first place? And do you think that whatever made you leave in the first place will somehow magically be solved this time around?To my mind, it's a very simple choice. On the one hand you can commit yourself to the present, to your "perfect" relationship; forget your ex and move on, and take steps to make your relationship strictly platonic on an emotional level (i.e. no more 'I love you's etc etc). On the other you can ditch everything you now have; hope your ex follows suit; and then try to make the relationship, which was already given a good run out, actually work.Either way - make a choice. If you find you "just can't decide" then my guess is this feeling isn't strong enough to warrant sacrificing what you currently have. Let the past be the past - remember that it wasn't always roses, and that your current lover won't be around forever.
A reader, Katy Smith, writes (22 February 2005): Hi, I know what you mean, it is very hard to move on even though you are with someone else and so is he. It is also very hard to accept that it is over. But if it was meant to be and that the two of you belong together but you just dont know it yet then fate will tell. Do not go after him trying to find out what might have been or maybe something might still happen, you will ruin what you have and bring problems and concerns to his relationship. What will be will be. You need to try and enjoy your NEW life with a NEW person in it, otherwise you will never be happy in your love life and will always have doubts. It will not kill you or damage you to leave it alone and try to get on with your new life, you can of course still have your doubts and etc, as every signgle person in the world has. But the point is, that the next love or even a BETTER love is out there or right next to you, you just might not know it, so dont be afraid to extend your love life and gain experiences with different people ... you just might find someone who will satisfy your every need, very soon it might be ... you'll just have to wait and find out. Dont be afraid to let him go! Be happy for him but mainly for yourself as you have someone new and interesting in your life now. Good Luck in realising it!
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