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anonymous
writes: As a married woman i "fell" into an affair almost 2 yrs ago, although we have never had sexual intercourse, we have done most other things, he seems to think that if we dont have intercourse we arent actually having an affair and are doing nothing wrong, i'm quite happy with the situation but am i having an affair or not? my husband of almost 26 years recently passed away in total ignorance of all this thankfully, my friend is still married and we both knew from the start that we would stay married, its just the excitement of the illicitness of it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2005): Legally, its only adultery if you have intercourse, so the technical answer is 'no'. Emotionally this sort of relationship is far more damaging to the marriage/s than a quick fling or casual sex would be - maybe you both need to look at why you're seeing each other and what you get from each other that you don't get from your spouses. You say your husband was blissfully ignorant - but you have no way of knowing what your deception and emotional unavailiability may have had on him, do you. It seems to me that by calling it an affair and posting here you acknowledge there's something wrong in what you're doing. Ask yourself why... then do something about it. Don't leave things the way they are, its not fair on you or your partners wife.
A reader, Paul, writes (22 February 2005): Why do you care whether it's an affair or not? If you're happy with the situation then fine. If not then get out. Seems to me that it IS significant in some way because you're seeking to define it. Perhaps this is a healthy stage of assessment on your part. In truth, it doesn't matter whether person X thinks you are having a full-on affair or not. Why have you asked total strangers to classify your relationship for you? The thing that is obvious is that it is clearly on your mind. Would the thought of an affair bother you? Are you sure you aren't quibbling over the definition because your uncomfortable with the reality of it? If you're all so fine with it then why post here?
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