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female
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*onfuddled
writes: hello... i have a jealousy problem that is pushing my boyfriend away... i am very jealous of what other girls look like and i don't have what they have... they're so gorgeous... so when a seductive naked girl comes on tv i kind of get upset... i hate it i don't want to be jealous... my boyfriend tells me i am more beautiful, he loves me and they don't even compare to me... sometimes i don't even care but other times i total freak... i cry and everything... whats wrong with me? girls are so hot and i'm just his girlfriend... i don't want him to get bored of me and want to masturbate to other girls or something... i don't think that he is going to leave me or anything... i am just jealous of what girls look like and that he likes what they look like... i only want his eyes on me... it makes me feel bad when he checks out other women... i'm not insanely jealous but i am jealous enough that i want to get over it so we don't have anymore stupid fights about it... will someone pleeeeease help me... give me advice or tell me your own experience and how you got over it or something... i mean i know he loves me and he wont leave me so whats my problem??? thanks for reading... :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007): Look here girlfriend,stop being jealous of other women because theres no need for that. If your man says that he loves you just the way you are then dont worry about those other women out there, because you have his heart. Yeah so what if your not the hottiest girl around,let it go you are beautiful in your mans eye site. Those other women dont mean a thing to men. While your worried about who your man is lookin at their trying to figure out what your doing to keep him so they can have him to themselves.
A
female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (2 June 2006):
 Hey - I had a few people message me in regards to this, so I thought I'd put this reply on here, so others can read it, and it hopefully helps.
Okay, how long did it take me. I'm not going to tell you it's easy and that I got over it as soon as I realised I needed to, because when you have yourself stuck in a bad thinking pattern, it takes PRACTICE to change it. My advice to you would be to try and catch yourself thinking negatively, try to realise what triggers you starting to think these negative thoughts. If you really really really try hard to identify what triggers them, and stop yourself dead in your tracks and realise that you are thinking stupid thoughts, then you can work on pushing them away. If you keep doing this, then in no time it will be like clock-work. But IT IS NOT EASY. It has taken me over 6 months to get where I am now, and occasionally I do see a hot, sexy woman on the TV and think "Grrrrrr!" but I don't change the channel, I don't get mad, I just remember that my boyfriend loves me and thinks I'm hot and sexy and this is just an over-paid, false, un-natural botox-bitch and she has nothing ON ME! :o)
I take it your boyfriend has noticed this behaviour and can't understand why you are like this? From experience, I know that after a while he will start getting really annoyed with you and having to reassure you all the time. Talk to him about how you feel when you see a beautiful woman and what kind of feelings that triggers and be completely honest, tell him that you feel like you're not good enough because you'll never look like them etc. I did this with my boy, and shit it was hard to be so honest, but it felt so good to tell him and he rewarded me with a whole heap of positive words about myself and he reassures me about myself quite often without me having to ask - like when models come on TV, because he knows that sometimes I do need it.
But this 'problem' mainly lies with you. I hate to say it, and it hurt when I realised this, but yes, it is in your head. If we constantly compare ourselves and let ourselves slip down because of others, then how are we ever going to reach our full potential in life? I know you can change your thinking on this, and when you do, you will join me on the other side of the 'hump' and you will laugh at ever thinking like this!
Remember... nothing in life is so hard that you can't make it easier by the way you take it. xxx
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A
female
reader, hannieseds +, writes (2 June 2006):
Hi there,
I used to be exactly the same. I started changing the channel on the TV when a beautiful woman came on so my boyfriend couldn't see her, I worried constantly when we were out together that he was checking out other woman (even tho he has said that he isn't a perv, I should know that by now, that he thinks i'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen so why would he want to perv at anyone else when he's with me or not?).
Basically I had to get over it. It took a while, but all you have to do is change your thinking patterns and dig yourself out of the hole you are in. Trust me, you will end up pushing your boyfriend away if you continue to behave like this, take it from someone who has been there. He is with you coz he wants you - it is human nature to look at the opposite sex, but just because he is looking, doesn't mean he is thinking, "yea, i wanna have sex with her" or "she is waayyy more sexy/beautiful than my girlfriend". If you think like that and don't trust in the love you have, then you will end up ruining something good.
I want you to go and write a list of all the things you love about yourself. All the things that you find sexy/beautiful/charming, as well as the things that your boyfriend has told you. I want you to put this list on the fridge, by the bathroom mirror - anywhere where you will see it AND READ IT everyday.
Start believing in yourself more and believe the beautiful, unique things about yourself. You are an amazing person, always remember that, and your boyfriend loves you for who you are - if he wanted to be with another beautiful girl, then he wouldn't be with you!
You'll be fine, I know you will, NOW GO WRITE THAT LIST! xxx
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (1 June 2006):
 Hi there. I'm not sure how old you are but I'm assuming you're younger. Here's a life lesson. I've learned a bit along the way. Not everything but a little.
Your boyfriend is with you because he chooses to be with you, until you give him a reason to want otherwise. If you badger him or accuse him of finding other women attractive, you'll push him away. He won't continue to pay for a crime he hasn't committed. If you keep freaking out and crying, you'll show him you've got issues to deal with. That might scare him.
Do you really want to have control over who he thinks about while he masturbates. The thought that you've discussd this leads me to think you are very insecure. You're almost asking him to lie to you.
You need to find out why you're so insecure. What you have is a relationship. Two people, two minds, different ideas, many shared values. You've decided to be a couple. What brought you together was a force of nature or an attraction.....chemistry. What keeps you together is committment, honesty, integrity and love. There will ALWAYS be someone prettier or thinner etc. just around the corner. ALWAYS. Mature love is deeper than that. It's about all the things you've shared along the way and the dreams you have not yet realized. There will always be temptations along the way. That's nature doing it's job. What you do with those temptations is often what determines how your realtionship with your spouse will end up. If you choose to nuture a temptation and milk the attention you get, it can be a slippery slope towards crossing the line. Sure, attention feels good. It reminds us we still have a little something to offer the opposite sex. When you're married, that's where is should end. Many people blur the lines and get in trouble.
You can not control who your partner looks at or talks to when you're not around. Why would you want to? Half the world is the opposite sex. We will always cross paths. Nuture your relationship. Talk to him. Be realistic. I've started to make this same mistake a few years ago. It probably came close to costing me my wife and kids. If it were not for the strength of my wife and some therapy to help me figure out my insecurities I think I would hav egone crazy.
In the end, you can't control/own somebody. Life is full of experiences. If you're lucky enough to find a partner who you love and one who is honest in this fast world, be happy. You MUST allow your partner to grow, within reason, as you should too.
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