| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I admit I had made serious mistakes. And I never denied this to anyone. For starters I lied to him about my past when he asked. I lied because he was jealous much, and I kind of expected an awful reaction to the truth. I lied, but told him the truth immediately. He reacted so awfully and was so hurt, he treated me like cra and didn't care about making me cry. This made me fearful of telling him more, so I lied a couple more times.He also read my email and saw that I sent an email to a friend once when he had got mad at me for something, venting.This happened more than a year ago.Today he read in a stupid internet article about mistakes women make, that what I did counts as being unfaithful.He said I never respected him, even though he gave me opportunities to be a good a girlfriend, but that I blew it.But I got angry and answered with a “don’t talk to me about being disrespectful!”, and he broke up with me.I said this because throughout the relationship he did things out of revenge (going late at night to a girl’s house, he didn’t cheat though), calling me names, ugly ugly names… judging me on my past, forbidding me from going out alone, from talking to male friends… but mostly always judging me on my past and calling me ugly names. He had this huge jealousy problem going on. He was always paranoid, thinking I was sleeping around, and that I felt pleasure by making a fool out of him and torturing him.So I told him he never respected me either. He said other girls would’ve been glad to have gotten opportunities and would’ve acknowledged their mistakes but that I was a selfish bitch because I couldn’t even admit I had been to blame for the downfall of the relationship. He said I was an awful person, that I was the one to blame, and that i shouldn't be trying to play victim - that that only reflected what a selfish, self-centered bitch I was.He said that everything he did or said to me was because I made the first mistake, that if I had never hurt him like that he would’ve never been nasty like that to me. He said I was a selfish, awful person, and that he deserves better. He thinks his behavior was justified, that somehow I deserved to be punished for what I put him through, for having lied and for having been a slut in the past (mind you, I never did anything outrageous and most trusted people always comment that I lack experience when I talk about my past, if you know what I mean).I’m utterly devastated, I did admit to him I had made mistakes, but all I did was tell him that he had been disrespectful too, and this made him flip out and dump me. All I was saying is that I was partly to blame, but that he had his share of blame too. He thought I was the only one who screwed up, not him. He got what he wanted. Here I am, sleepless, crying non-stop, dounting myself and feeling like an awful bitch, like karma will get me and that while he'll find the perfect girl that I wanted to be, I'll be single or dating losers. That this is what I deserve for having been like that with him.
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broke up, jealous, revenge Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008): This guy sounds like a real ass. He is the one with the problem. Dump him without thinking twice.
A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (24 September 2008):
 Sweetheart,
My ex used to say the same stuff to me. He said because I had been married and had two children and that my husband left me for someone else, I should be gratefull that anyone would have me. He abused and insulted me for nearly 11 years, until I believed that what he said, must be true. I weighed under 7 stone when I finally left him, and was a shell of my former self. I did a lot of soul searching, until I liked myself again. But it took me a long time to get over him, but for the life of me, and cannot understand why, if that makes sence?
This man was obviously no good for you, or you wouldnt have felt that you needed to lie to him. I know you cant see that yet, but believe me you will.
Its a terrible state to get yourself in and I know that you are blaming yourself, but dont!!!! He was un-realistic and just plain bloody nasty, and the others are right you deserve better.
I wish you could see how it turned out for me, because believe me there is light at the end of the tunnel. Its up to you, to be strong and get yourself through this. Just dont forgive him and make the same mistake I did time, after time. All it does is to drag it out.
Believe me honey, it will be him thats sorry, just like my Ex was.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008): This guy a jerk! If he honestly loved you, he would have tried to make the relationship work but instead bashed you down mentally then dumped you. Don't think how he acted was normal and you deserved it, even if you had slept with loads of people, he has no right acting the way he did.
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (24 September 2008):
 Oh sweetheart stop your crying hunny, His behavior is not justified at all this is mental abuse hunny..You know my fiance has never asked about my past and I have never asked about his we know certain things but these things are just that in the past and we never even discuss them never...You I presume were supposed to be a virgin untouched by human hands for him to be able to accept you or as he said told the truth and this is the bit that always gets me why is it so important why is your past so important to him when he has got you now. The only way I can understand why is if there was fear of some infection sexually..But to put you through all that because he was angry at your past and then to look at your e-mail when you obviously wanted to speak to a friend about this is all emotional abuse the name calling hunny it is him that has a problem NOT YOU!!!We all make certain mistakes in life its the way of learning, But what you did before your b/f came along were not really mistakes love it was living and learning everyone does it..I understand you are hurting now as he has gone but love this to me is good he has gone he is no good for you at all if someone loves someone they do not treat them this way and you say you lied you just didnt wish to say as you new what would happen..Its nothing to do with him anyway its past he wasnt around..You didnt cheat on him treat him badly, HE DID YOU! You are better off without this person in your life love. No one person is perfect and I doubt very much he will ever be anything other than jealous no matter who he is with love, YOU DESERVE BETTER! Please take care of you with lots of love n hugs MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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