A
female
age
41-50,
*oala
writes:Hello - first time using this site, and am hoping for some good advice please :-)My boyfriend and I have been going out for 1 and a half years and bought a flat together about 9 months ago as we were so happy together. However, we have recently been through a very tough time where I found out about his (quite serious) self harming due to his extremely stressfull job - he had been lying to me to cover this up, which, I understand. We then went through a long time of uncertainty when he was unemployed. Now things are back on track although money is tight he has started a great new job that he is enjoying and is happy. I was very supportive of him during all of this and have stood by him of course. Recently however I have turned into what I can only describe as Psycho girlfriend and have been looking through his stuff including credit bills trying to find evidence of him buying stuff I woudn't approve of etc. But today I thought of sending him a disguised email from a woman offering 'services' in order to 'catch him out'. This is not who I want to be, and it is causing problems in our relationship when everything should now be getting better. He is aware I am doing this and we have argued and talked and he thinks I don't trust him now. I myself have self harmed before if that is significant, but I can not relate to myself as someone who can not trust her loving wonderful boyfriend. I have had some councelling but I don't seem to be able to stop these thoughts that there is something wrong - and I am currently focusing on this being a porn addiction at the moment, even though I'm not in principle too bothered about that in moderation. Sorry this is a long question, it's been building up for a while and there's a lot of background. I just want to get on with our lives now we have the chance to!Thanks for any thoughts x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pgissyd +, writes (22 November 2007):
 No problem koala. I hopeyou get all the support you need, Please update me when you do.
Take care sweetie xxxxx
A
female
reader, Koala +, writes (22 November 2007):
Koala is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank so much you for your insightful reply, it is quite an eyeopener to think of this as one and the same thing and I think you are right there and in a strange way it's kind of reassuring that there is this reason behind what I'm doing.It's certainly a starting point for working this out! Thanks x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007): Just sit down and explain to him that ur just worried and that you just thought it was too good to be true that everything is going so well. Also let him know you are sorry that you felt so suspicious and I hope everything works out well for you love Emi-Jem x
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