A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'll try to keep this short. Basically over a month ago me and my girlfriend decided to have sex whilst I was staying over on the weekend but unfortunately we had to stop because she was feeling sore down there after only a few minutes. Ever since then I've had this problem where it feels good during sex but I just can't seem to bring myself to orgasm.We have had this ongoing problem for over 3 months where she is conflicted about smoking and it has been bringing us both down but I feel that this is only causing a minor problem for us during sex.I am able to get an erection and orgasm on my own and I can definitely get one when she is naked or we're discussing sexual activities, so it's not that I don't find her attractive anymore and I know deep down that I do want to be with her.The major problem however is that over 2 weeks ago we tried sex again and I felt quite close after only a minute of thrusting,this however I did not want as I wanted to prolong our fun and unfortunately this led me to not have an orgasm that night and pretty much any time we've tried to have sex simply because I'm afraid that I won't be able to finish.It's like I will get completely turned on during foreplay but the moment it comes to penetrative sex I suddenly become aware of things and my thoughts of having an orgasm too quickly come flooding back leading to not being able to finish at all.Is there a way that I can go about either distracting myself or removing the thoughts from my mind?. This is becoming quite a distressing issue for both of us and I would like to get this resolved. Thank you for your time and I await your responses :).
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erection, foreplay, orgasm Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOP here again. Thank you for all your responses, I really appreciate all the advice you gave, it really helped me out :).
We managed to resolve the situation by my girlfriend distracting me and soothing me enough to not think about not being able to orgasm so all is good now. I agree that it most likely was performance anxiety so I'll be sure to recognize the signs if it happens again.
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (29 November 2015):
I'm on board with YouWish as to this being performance anxiety. Perhaps you should do each other orally and by hand while you get back to being more relaxed. It doesn't sound like anything has changed here except for your doubts about yourself, which can get worse as time goes on if you continue to not orgasm. Perhaps you are worried about what she's thinking...completely open up your channels of communication and tell her what you are going thru. She'd probably appreciate your openess and help you get relaxed. This should diminish a lot of that pressure you're feeling. While you've opened up the channels of communication, take advantage of the situation and discuss each others fantasies or sexual interests that you haven't yet explored in the bedroom. Maybe you'll find common ground here. Options could be costumes, sex toys, blindfolds, BDSM (start out lite), role playing, porn or whatever. Many women like vibrators...a good way to get her off before you and know she's taken care of before you do your own deal.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOP here, thank you for your responses so far. In response to Denizen the reason I mentioned smoking is because I've read that issues that last a long time can effect the sexual side of a relationship. Whilst its not part of the issue the basic premise is that my girlfriend is unsure of whether she wants to smoke or not as she doesn't want to be on it for the rest of her life yet after having 2 she seems to want them, and this has been going on for 3 months now.The issue with her feeling sore has only occurred once so it isn't a predicament of being afraid of hurting her (though I'd rather not do that in the first place).As I stated in my original post I can get turned on during foreplay but the moment actual sex happens whilst it feels nice I can't seem to bring myself to orgasm as I start thinking about finishing too early the moment I enter her, and I'd rather not do that as I prefer long passionate sex as opposed to a quick 5 minute session.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 November 2015):
 You've got performance anxiety. If you're worried about being too quick, then one thing you can do to get over the initial block is to finish her before you enter her. This means that when it's time for you to penetrate, she's already had hers, and you can go as fast as you want to.
Don't worry yet about distracting! You and she are finding your mutual rhythm and that takes time. Your first step is to have one with her, and even if you don't make it inside her the first couple of attempts, maybe one session, she can do oral on you until you finish and you do the same for her.
The thing you must know is - you penetrating her is highly unlikely that SHE will have an orgasm from that part of sex! Only about 1/4 of all women actually have an orgasm from ACTUAL intercourse. That's not your fault! That's biology's. Imagine if you were pressured to have an orgasm only from her playing with your scrotum. If her arm incidentally brushes against your penis, that's nice, but not a regular occurance, no matter how much you squirm to try to get it more directly stimulated.
It's the same with the woman. You're trying to hard to have your PENIS be her primary source of pleasure. It just doesn't happen right away, especially in a new sex partner. It takes time to achieve that, so be patient. Her source of pleasure is NOT her vagina, just like yours is NOT your scrotum. Her CLITORIS is the pleasure center for her, and the nerve network branches out from it, which is why some women orgasm from vaginal stimulation.
Concentrate on making her clitoris and surrounding area feel good. Your tongue is a fantastic tool. Your fingers too (washed and nails trimmed, of course!). If you do have sex with her, make sure you brush against that clitoris while you're thrusting.
But for the beginning, finiah her first before even entering her. Then when you go in, don't worry about slowing down or distraction. Just go for it! Tell her beforehand what you're trying to do, as in before sex!
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (27 November 2015):
 Being relaxed and comfortable during sex is quite important. If you are worried about hurting your partner that would clearly be a distraction. It would be a good idea to find out why your girlfriend is sore. It could just be something simple however it needs addressing. I'm sure you can get more help from your GP.
I don't understand why you mention smoking unless you see coming off tobacco as a mood changer.
Try not to worry. It sounds like everything works OK. It will probably be fine once you sort out the painfulness.
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