A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been trying to have sex for over a month now and it just isn't working out. It seems like even if I'm turned on, by the time he puts on a condom i could be turned off again. I'm a virgin and I think the thought of having sex for the first time might just be making me too nervous. But sometimes it seems like no matter what he does, he can't turn me on. I love him very much and am very attracted to him and this problem is making him feel very inadequate. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (7 March 2007):
 Condoms are necessary to sex but they're not at all sexy. I can quite see why the idea of one would turn you off. What you don't seem to have realised though, is that him putting the condom on doesn't have to mean you start having sex straight away. He can always warm you back up again before you start. However it really sounds to me like you associate the condom with the start of penetration and become turned off because you're just so nervous about it. My advice would be to put on the condom as soon as your boyfriend becomes erect and then get him to spend plenty of time pleasuring you to make you ready. After a point you will be desperate for sex and the condom will already be in place so it should be easy just to get going. Just one last thing... condoms aren't 100% reliable so it might be a good idea for you to use a second form of contraception like the pill as well.
CD
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