A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem with my girls tattoo. Its quite large and of a tribal/spikey design. I love her to death and before people jump in and tell me about self expression and accepting her for who she is - I totally except her for who she is and love her for being her self. I just find tattoo's on girls a huge turn off. We dated through a winter and she was shy about her body for quite a while so didn't really see this tattoo. Then she became comfortable and along came the summer. Its nearly always visable on her lower back and really annoys me. Its caused big problems in the bedroom because i find them such a turn-off, If i don't cover it with my hands or close my eyes - it kills the moment for me. She has a body to die for and I get so frustrated because I want to see it as nature intended. Now she is self conscious and I avert my eyes and get anxious.What can I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2009): Just my two cents here but you could also tell her to wear some lingerie to cover it, like a garter belt perhaps?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2009): i totally get where you're coming from, tattoos on women make them look cheap, not unique or cool, though I'm pretty sure they think they're too groovy for words. When people get tattoos of, eg, "tribal" symbols, I always feel like asking them if they're member of the tribe whose symbol they're wearing, and if they aren't, then why the hell are they running around pretending they're related to Sitting Bull for Christs sake? tattoos so often make the wearer just look like an ignorant jerk, if only they could figure it out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2009): Well.... I think there are two easy options and a probably an impossible one ..... first it is problem and you obviously have experienced being turned off by it more than once so... One thing you could do is think about the tattoo figure out why it bothers you so and consciously decide to perceive it differently i.e. instead of seeing it as ugly and unnatural look at it as something that is truly unique about her something that adds to her originality etc etc in other words decide and change your perception to something more positive.The second thing you could do is simply break it off with her ... if you see it as a problem and it isn't something that is going to change then admit it and end the relationship. I'm not being catty here .... I know it doesn't sound nice but I once stopped dating someone with red hair because I found it a turn off. Great guy liked him but seriously found his body hair ugly and that wasn't going to change. I did it early on and am not proud that I focused on something like that but I was really young and I found it a total turn off so ended the relationship BEFORE our emotions got entangled. The hardest option .... and one I don't recommend is simply get her to remove her tattoo. Lots of people do it. The thing is .... I really don't think changing one's self for someone is a good way to be in a relationship. SOme women get breast jobs dye their hair etc etc and men also make changes in dress etc to satisfy a spouse . But I think...that the love can't be too deep between couples if they are focused on an object rather than... the person. Anyways, I don't want to sound catty ... because I think its good that you asked the question because it is a deterrent in your relationship and eventually your reaction to it is going to cause issues. personally I think the first option is the easiest and that finding someway to come to terms with the tatoo is important for your relationship so hope what I've said helps. By the way last year I actually dated a redhead guy had a blast was attracted to him all over and....the red hair wasn't even a thought... so tastes do change :D
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (12 September 2009):
Well I don;t think it's fair for you to ask her to get rid of it, even if you pay for laser removal.
If you can't deal with it then you just have to be nice and tell her you want to be friends.
And in future, you need to ask up front if a girl is into tattoos or piercings or anything else that will freak you out.
A lot of men find them really sexy so she's hardly going be single for long once you are gone.
Good Luck!! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2009): I think you can break up with her. In the future, if tatoos are a big turn off to you, then ask a woman if she has any when you start dating her. You can't change who you are any more than she can change who she is.
I don't like tatoos on men either and my ex had one on his upper back, and one on his lower ankle....they didn't bother me though, because I rarely had to see them and he didn't have them all over his arms, etc. I would not date a man who did, and that is just me. I don't care what people do to their bodies, but if they have piercings all over and tatoos it grosses me out....if it was some physical defects like scars, that doesn't bother me at all, not if I like the person.....but to self mutilate, that is another story for me.
I get it, you just need to move on, sorry.
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