A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So it all started out 6 months ago as friends with benefits. Me and this guy were going at it, hanging out together, doing everything together whether it was sex, hanging out, school, everything. We're unseparatable. We define ourselves as best friends but deep down inside we know that it's more. The thing is, he doesn't want to exclusively date. He tells me he can't picture himself with me, holding my hand, or anything. Pretty much anything intimate is to be left in the bedroom. And I'm fine with that because it's what I agreed to. But I can't help but think what is it that's wrong with me? Not too long ago, his ex-girlfriend whom he'd promised "forever" to came back into his life. This is the girl that's had him messed up since his break up and this is the girl he's been wanting the whole time. It hurts but I keep telling him, if you think things have changed, go for it. He agrees to that but then tells me "When I'm with her, I'm a different person from when I'm with you. I don't know who the real me is. I really do wish I can date you, but my heart is still with her." So pretty much, right now I'm stuck in between. I"m trying to be his friend still even though it hurts me so much to see that one girl can send just ONE text and instantly take him away from me. On top of that, she hates me and we both know that if they do get back together, my friendship with him will end. Last night, I tried to talk to him about how I felt about the situation but the words were coming out wrong and he started getting frustrated saying "I don't know what I want but you keep pressuring me to choose. So I'll choose." Then he walks away and texts me saying "I hope you're happy now, I choose no one." I'm just confused. Since I've known him, he has always denied the intimate relationship we have. No feelings or anything. JUst love as a friend. BUt now, shouldn't it be easy for him to just go with his ex??? It'ss what he's been wanting for over a year now. It's in front of his face. Why can't he just go??!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): "I'm fine with that because it's what I agreed to"
No, you are not fine with it, and you feel like you are worthless or worth less than the other person.
He's treated you cheaply, and you said you were OK with being cheap.
But, you are not worthless, nor are you worth less, and your brain knows it, your emotions know it, and now you hurt.
So, don't do it to yourself again.
Also, don't do it to anyone else, you know how bad it feels.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): he has no feelings for you, he just didn't want to hurt you and ruin the friendship because you were so upset by it.
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