A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello Im having problems with my kids dad we have two and another on the way. I am confused on what to say to him and how to act towards him because sometimes i just feel like shutting him out of my life, hes so immature he still likes to have fun. Partyin all weekend stuff like that. When i do ignore him i end up having to talk to him for the kids my daughter misses him when hes gone for so long. I just dont like how he can go for so long without seeing them he tells me he misses them but doesnt act like it. He also tells me he wants to come back and be a family he just says the stuff but doesnt act on what he says at all. He only comes around when he`s lonely. I dont know what to do if i ignore him it`ll just be hard for the kids after awhile. OR is it me making it hard letting their dad see them and leave again i feels like its my fault my daughter gets hurt i try my best to be a good mother just their dad keeps hurting all of us like this. What more can i do
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female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (20 December 2012):
 Hi
You say he only comes round when he is lonely - does that mean you don't live together? But your pregnant, a 3rd child on the way?
You have left it a bit late to set bounderies in this relationship if thats the case.He knows he can do as he pleases.
Get child support sorted out if you haven't already, he clearly has plenty of money to spend.
(Also you could ask him to move in and be a proper responsible adult and father...but I don't think he will).
If he doesn't move in,then tell him goodbye and focus on your children,be the best mother you can.
A
female
reader, Jovian Erinys  +, writes (20 December 2012):
 There isn't much you can 'do' regarding his behavior but you can let your children know (age appropriately) that their father is going through some difficult times but that he loves them in his own way - be careful not to excuse his behaviors or defend him any way but allow the children to form their own views about their father. As far as you dealing with your children's father, clearly state your issues with him and come up with some type of boundaries/rules that you can stick with. Let him know what you expect out of him and if he cannot meet your expectations, let him know the consequences. I'm not sure the exact nature of what's going on with your family so I can't come up with any examples but it is clear that you need to establish some rules that will reduce the level of disappointments that your children's father inflicts.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (20 December 2012):
Just out of curiosity, did you consider any of this before you married him? How about before your first child? How about before your second child? How about before the third that is now on the way?
What can you do? You can stop having children with a person that is clearly incapable of being a parent.
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