A
male
age
41-50,
*inallyfoundlove
writes:I'm a recently divorced 29 yr old male with a HUGE issue. I'm in love with someone elses wife! After my marriage ended close to two years ago I approached relationships in a whole new way, overcautiously. I "played the field" for a while trying to find some kind of connection that wasn't just lust. I dated teachers, models and psychologists, and it always ended the same. The sex was great, but there was no substance. After completely giving up on the idea of marriage and relationships, I met her. I can't even begin to explain the energy we felt when we first met. It's like nothing I've ever experienced. We chatted for a while and exchanged email addresses. After a couple months of emailing and chatting pretty regularly she admitted she felt the same energy when we met. We've shared so many things and our attraction to one another only continues to grow. Our kids go to the same school together, so we see each other often. We have not had any type of physical contact other then the occassional hug, which lately has been longer, tighter, and more frequent. I want nothing more then to hold her knowing that she is mine and I am hers. She tells me she wants to leave her husband, but just can't do it. She means way too much to me to give her 'the him or me' ultimatum. I would rather be a hopelessly in love, then omit myself from her life competely. I'm truly willing to wait as long as I have to for her. I guess my question is how do I keep myself sane in the meantime?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): Hi brother. First rule about this web-site is that there are many damaged women here giving you blinkered advice. How long should you wait for love? Just ask Xavier Bardem. If you do manage to get her on a date then make sure you look presentable i.e. don't leave your cholera up! Good luck my friend! FifthQuadrant.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): you just can't do it.
Being inlove with someone you know isn't yours and might not be...is a code for insanity. Waiting for someone because you love them is great courageous thing but it all leads to heartache and resentment. I've done it once and i'm still trying to move on from him but i find it harder and harder each day. I can only look back and think, why did i wait? i was so blind and wound up with my strong emotions that i forgot to think of me and how much it hurt me to wait for the other person.
Truly ask yourself, is it worth the wait knowing it could be forever? Realistically will she leave him? Will things turn out? All i know is someone like you will read this and think "i have to wait i dont care what you're saying", so yeah if you know that youre going to wait - the best possible solution is to then learn from life experiences. You wont be able to keep sane because love is just so strong and crazy that you'll just have to learn from your motives.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): I agree with baby duck. You should look at why you've chosen to fall in love (yes, falling in love is a choice) with someone who is unavailable. As long as you are never actually with her you will always have the illusion that she is perfect for you. I also agree with eddie... stay out of other people's marriages.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (21 September 2008):
 Keep your nose out of other marriages. Have some integrity. People who choose your path create problems for others. What is thew point of this? The world is bigger than your needs. Find a single woman.
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