A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 20 year old girl and becoming crazy because of my heart racing and chaos in my mind. It's a long story but to make it a bit clear: in November 2010 I fell mindlessly in love with this boy after just meeting him once, I am sure it is love because I felt the butterflies and everything just by hearing his name or seeing his picture. And that same night he made it pretty clear that he likes me too, we didn't kiss or something but there were some very lovable moments. He lives 20 minutes driving away from me, so I don't see him that much. For a few months we talked a lot on hotmail and facebook and at new year's eve he even send me an message, even he didn't had my number before that, he asked my friend who was with his group of friends that night. Now lately the contact was as good as over, partly because is stopped it, because I wanted and needed to get over him and stop all the feelings to keep playing with me. Until this weekend, I saw him again on a party at his home town.. I knew I would see him, but I told myself to be strong and don't give him too much attention. Well, that plan failed, he kept talking to me and looking at me with those very beautiful and starry eyes. So now .. I'm totally back in the love-state with him and he doesn't even know..WHAT IS THE PROBLEM? :He has a girlfriend, but he seems to like me too, because I heard of my girl who was with him on new years eve that he was talking about me a lot and asked about me frequently. Nonetheless he is still with this girl and he doesn't seem to be planning on leaving her.. This girl was also on the party this weekend, but he was more standing by our group of friends then with her.. =sBecause I really am freaking out on the whole situation I decided to text him and ask him if he would want to go drink something to talk. And he immediately accepted, and I think he knows why I want to talk to him. So now I am planning to go and talk to him, but I don't really know what I should say.. of course I'll express my feelings to him, but what then? And I'm even not that sure that we could do this in real time, because he would do it behind his girl's back and I'm not sure if I want that to happen. So now I am wondering if it's okay to send him a letter with al my feelings.. It would me easier for me too, because in this way I wouldn't forget anything I was planning to tell him. What do you think I should do?? I really need some external opinions, because all my friends are just telling me to go for it.. but I don't know what's the right thing to do.. I hate this situation so much, and the fact that I don't fall in love easily makes it all so much harder, because I can't just go looking for somebody else to forget about him.. that's just impossible..
View related questions:
facebook, has a girlfriend, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 May 2011):
 Women can be as bad :)
As for infatuation vs. love, we could debate for hours and we could not convince each other,lol.
My point of view is this : you can't say you "love" a person that you know basically nothing about - except that he has a roving eye and he's willing to meet women behind his gf's back.
Love is when you know a person, warts and all, and you still love them, the good bits and the bad ones.
You love him, but... what if he is really lousy in bed ? what if he snores like a hippo ? what if he has really stinky feet ? ... Once you know that ,yes, he has really stinky feet and you love him nonetheless, then I'd agree with you. But since your love has not been put to this test yet, or any other as for that, what you love is a mental image that you have about him , where he seems to fit all your Prince Charming boxes- with "seems " being the key word. This idealization can go on for YEARS, if you allow it.
Also ,let me be Aristotelic here and say " love is the love of good ". Or, at least, what's good for YOU. Is it good for you a taken guy who flirts and flashes his starry eyes to other girls ? ...Debatable, at least....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for this answer ... I know it's al very true what you're saying, but still I tried to do all this several times & still he's playing this game so I'm still in the dreamy phase where everything works out at the end!
Even the fact that I do realize that it's a bad thing in both ways.. I really need to know what's going on..
I do not fully agree with you on the infatuation part.. Can you call it an infatuation after 6 months of these feelings? I don't think so.. If it is, it's a damn long and serious one..
Why are boys always so fmbpqmzpmqdsnjkfbuvids ;p
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (17 May 2011):
Repeat with me : he has a girlfriend and does not intend to leave her.
Of course he "seems to like you too " , even a guy in a relationship still has eyes and, mostly, still is receptive to the flattering sensation of being drooled over. If he is a nice guy, he won't act on this "like " , if he is not so nice we'll try to get some from you on the side. Why not ? it was your idea to begin with.
What do you expect, that you write him a letter and he immediately proceeds to dump his girlfriend for another girl whom, basically, he does not even know ? It's not gonna happen. And if it happened, then the guy would be an unreliable bastard and / or a reckless idiot- not good bf material.
Since you say that you are not so keen on being the other woman, and that's the most it could happen , either that or being rejected, I'd keep my infatuation ( this is wat it is, infatuation, not love ) to myself and I'd start looking for a nice SINGLE guy.
...............................
|
