A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with my partner for just over two years. We live together and have both been having problems with depression and stress in the last 6 months. It was me first who started suffering and I totally lost my sex drive and ended up practically pushing him away. I became a bit of a recluse, not going out etc. My sex drive has returned but I struggle now to find him attractive - he has put on weight recently. The scary thing is that I have found myself being attracted to another man at dancing classes which is something I have returned to doing as my confidence has increased. This man I have known for about the same time as my partner, but at the time I just saw him as a friend, and he was also in a relationship. I recently found him on a networking website which I signed up to try to get back in contact with my friends I had lost touch with. We exchanged a bit of banter and the other night he turned up at dancing. The close physical contact and everything made me feel so attracted to him. I am so torn as to what to do and as he also a friend of both mine and my partner he is coming round for a barbecue later this week, I am getting really worried that my behaviour may betray me before I get a chance to decide what I really want. Any advice would be helpful...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): Oh so you are gonna throw away a perfectly good relationship because you had a few arguments?
Hate to tell you, sweet cheeks, but if you don't want to kill your spouse at some point, you don't love them. If you've never held a box of rat poison and worked out an alibi and bought the carpet... and the only reason you don;t is because of that only episode of CSI you watched.
You are depressed and angry, you are not thinking of what made you fall for you better half in the first place. If his weight bothers you so much you could, I don't know, actually TELL HIM!
Why do women think men are mind readers?
This other man is lust and nothing more. And if you give in all you will feel after is misery that will make the pleasure of sex disappear in an instant. You won't even remember how shit it was because you will feel like you are rotting inside.
Your other half is innocent in this and if you are gonna put your own selfish and shallow lust ahead of him bnecause of a rough patch then you don't deserve happiness, you deserve all the misery in the world.
Flynn 24
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (24 May 2008):
 First of all, you need to be honest with yourself. You also need to be honest with your partner. Not doing so is a form of betrayal.
Now, you're developing depression and stress. Because of his additional weight, you're not attracted to your partner, which says, the relationship you're in now is superficial and isn't built in a manner which relationships actually work. As far as the depression and stress, that needs to be dealt with prior to beginning a new relationship, if that's your choice.
The problem I see here is what I notice in many relationships. Expecting being with someone to fill a void. It doesn't work that way. If you're missing something, being with someone is a temporary fix, such as drinking, or eating. The void still exists because noone has the ability to fill an area that is off balance within someone else.
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