A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I really need help. Ive been with my bf for a year and abit. I cheated on him with my best mate from work .I have come to realise that it was a big mistake. I told my mate that i think we should just be friends and nothing more. He has said he loves me. He also said he was going to work somewhere else so it wont be awkward for us. I said to him that i didnt want this to affect our friendship because he is the only person i can really talk to and i care alot for. I feel im just torn between my bf and my mate. I really love my bf but i love my mate also. Please help!!! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): There was a reason that you cheated. Before all the guilt and possibly shame, you strayed into the arms of another man. You must try to remember what the reason was. Boredom? being unappreciated? not talking? compatibility? curiosity?Whatever the problem was, it will remain if you stay with your bf. Its possible that your guilt over all of this is making your love for your bf stronger in your head, when in reality, it was probably fading when you cheated. This strong surge of love you suddenly feel for the bf could be nothing more than delusion.You after all said about your friend: "he is the only person i can really talk to and i care alot for".Well you should be able to talk to your bf, no? And if you can, then that quote is false, and so is a lot of your premise.Look, one thing I know and believe in: The heart only has room for 1 person to be in TRUE romantic love with. If you are "torn", then you're struggling with a part of yourself that is deceiving you. You have to try to see through your haze of self-deception and act with clarity. Easier said than done, but focus on doing that.
A
female
reader, GabiLC  +, writes (15 June 2009):
 Stay with your boyfriend. Keep your best mate your best mate and nothing more. He is already trying to help you by getting another job. Your best mate says that he loves you, so with that, he should love you enough to understand that you want to stay with your boyfriend without complications. You do not love your best mate like a boyfriend; that's just the sex talking. You love your best mate as your best mate. Keep it that way. I hope this helps.
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