A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with a male that we will call ram for just about a year now. We fight we argue and practically tear eachothers heads off. There has been cheating from both sides in the relationship. All of my friends wonder why I am soo crazzy about him and half the time I have to ask myself the same question. He moved in with his best friends a couple months ago and his friend whom we will call biggs and I grew a certain liking to eachother. They are complete opposites. Ram and I only get along 30% of the time but I feel as tho I am attached to him because of how things used to be. Biggs and I decided to try to be together 2-3 weeks ago but didnt work out because I felt as if I need to go back to ram.I cant choose biggs treats me like a lady the way I should be treated, we never argue but at the same time I have trust issues and wonder if he will always be there for me. As ram has already been there over a years time which is why Im soo stuck...I dont know who to choose and either way it seems as if I end up missing the other 1??? Im torn betwwen to men. What should I do or what steps should I take to figuring out who I need/wanna be with.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): Hey! I missed this one! I feel like I'm being talked about!
Phil (B)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): Did I miss something? I didn't see anything about her being bored or not attracted to Biggs, just that she felt more of a need to be with Ram. Break up with Ram, let your feelings settle out, then try again with Biggs.You have trust issues with Biggs? He doesn't have a history of cheating on you - Ram does. Unless you really need that kind of drama, why are you there? And if you do, then yea, time for some counseling. Biggs *is* the better choice.
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (30 August 2008):
 I don't know, in my opinion, I think you should lose both and take some time for yourself. Being in a relationship is confusing sometimes, specially when is as heated and full of drama as yours, and it can mess your head a bit. Take some time, reflect on some things, and make a better decision.
Neither is giving you the things you want. You're only attracted to Ram sexually (and I assume this because you don't even get along but you're "crazy" about him...yet cheated), but he doesn't bring you the emotional and moral support that Briggs gives you...but he doesn't turn you on sexually.
So just dump them both, tell Ram and Briggs that you want some time off in your relationship to get things in a better perspective and when you come back, if you still like one of them, choose that one.
But if you want an answer now, then just try to evaluate yourself of what you like:
If you love drama and having heated nights, then choose Ram.
If you want someone to listen to you and treat you regal, yet losing that heat, then choose Briggs.
ps. basschick, most women need also moral and emotional support. Although sex is indeed an important aspect of a healthy relationship, it doesn't mean it should be singled out as the most important. Unless the person is in the relaltionship for a little bit of fun. I bet most girls would tell you that they would want to be with a guy who treats them like a human rather with a total jerk who's awesome in bed.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (30 August 2008):
 Being treated like a queen is overrated, and I smell boredom in your future very soon. Go with the guy who turns you on, even if you fight like cats and dogs. I'd be willing to bet that passion translates nicely in the bedroom. One thing I know, women need passion and even if the guy isn't prince charming, he probably turns you on, and that's worth more than being carried around on a silver platter and bored to death.
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