A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Pull out the popcorn and get comfortable, this is gonna be long. Hiya Aunts and Uncles, I'm in quite a confused space with 3 really great guys at the moment.Lets call the first guy Jarvis. We dated for about 7 months but it took 3 months or so of obvious dating and so on and eventually a soft ultimatum for him to ask me to be his girlfriend properly. We kissed pretty hectically and then the next time I saw him I asked him what we were. He said "friends". I was livid. But I kept my cool and a few times later I told him that I didn't want to be in between a friend and a girlfriend any more because I had more respect for myself than that. He asked me out on the spot. For a year before that we worked together every weekend. Now I only work at the same place every once in a while. After he asked me out we dated for 7 months. We loved, we laughed and physically we went pretty far but we did so slowly. I do not doubt that he truly loved me, but he has his own business and is very forgetful when he is not busy. He was often late or couldn't make dates at all and would leave it 'til the last minute to let me know.When he broke up with me, I was distraught. Even he cried.I called him the next day and asked if we couldn't try again. He said no.Enter Jordan. After I changed my FB status to "single" I had quite a few weirdos hitting on me, so a friend suggested I let Jordan (a guy I met a few months before Jarvis asked me out) know that I was single again. Jordan had expressed interest in me at the time we met but it wasn't to be, because of Jarvis and I. So about a week and a half after Jarvis broke up with me Jordan and I went for coffee and a movie. He made me laugh sooo much and I had a really good time. We also kissed, and in all honesty, he's not a very good kisser. But other than that I had a great time, it wasn't anything too serious. I probably won't see him again for ages and ages (til Dec) because of our exams and whatever.But the Sunday evening after we went for coffee and movie, my now ex told me that he missed me and regretted his decision. I basically told him that he had made his decision and that he should move on, because his reasoning made sense blah blah. (He broke it off because he said we were "moving in different directions").A week after that he IMed me when he was drunk (I didn't know it at the time) and said he missed me and that he broke it off because of how serious we had gotten and it scared him. He wanted to go out and see if we still had a spark.We met for lunch and talked. I felt like he missed being in A relationship rather than being in a relationship with ME. I told him that and he said that he still loved me, but he realised that if I didn't feel like he did, it wouldn't work. We parted ways and agreed to remain friends.And then I had to go into work (the place we both work on weekends). It killed me to spend a whole day with him and not have what I used to have, emotionally, with HIM. Except that we still both get pretty horny about each other. He told me and I told him. Even more weeks later, I went back to work again and my heart did flip flops. I told him that I missed HIM and that we could fulfil his earlier request remade at lunch that we hang out and see if the spark exists still. He said "you let me know when and where" but I said "no. this time you get to make the moves." (because during our relationship I made all the plans).A week later (this weekend that just passed) I was working an expo for the place I work for (the one Jarvis works for on weekends to get clients for his own business - two different companies, he's not stealing clients in ANY WAY). Jarvis got out of it somehow and was working at the shop.Meanwhile I spent most of the expo hanging out with an old friend, a guy I trained with, let's call him Ben. He's an amazing friend, even if he is 10 years my senior and I shared all of this with him. Jarvis showed up on the last day in the late afternoon and made me crazy and confused all over again, because he hasn't asked to hang out yet. When I asked why, he said he'd been sooo busy (reasonably true) and hadn't had time. He still hasn't done anything about it.When I got home that evening in my inbox was a message from the good friend Ben. He likes me. 10 years my senior and he is interested in me. He's a super sweet guy, smart, respectful, trustworthy, funny, smart, interesting and calm cool and collected. He knows everything that I've told him and said when things are more sorted out in my mind and my life isn't sooo busy maybe we can meet for coffee. No strings attached, no expectations. He said he is patient and happy to wait however long. I said yes, sometime, when I am less messed up, we can have coffee. But more than that I wouldn't be able to promise.I am 16.Jarvis is 18.Jordan is 19.Ben is 26.(all fake names and all guys who I enjoy spending time with) I don't know what the hell to do. I am feeling so messed up. I probably won't see Jordan until December.I am tired of not feeling like Jarvis puts effort into me. Esp since I gave he the chance we both wanted and now he is not doing ANYTHING with it.Jordan and Ben feel like they do put effort in. Jordan lives on the other side of town and since I am still dependant on my mom for transport its very difficult.Ben is 10 years older than me.What to do? What to think? Mostly regarding Jarvis, my first big love. But also the other guys. I'm very torn right now.
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broke up, drunk, horny, kisser, move on, spark Reply to this Question
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female
reader, glassblower  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 As the other readers said, it seems like although you and Jarvis fell in love, he used his chance! Perhaps you have forgotten how much he hurt you when you both broke up. He wants A Relationship. You want Someone Who Loves You.
Jordan does not. I apologize for this, but there were no sparks and you didn't seem all that interested.
However, it looks like you have a major crush on Ben! Beware his intentions (I mean, he is 26) and take it easy, but I'd recommend going with him. Best of luck honey!! xoxo 3 glassblower
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (19 October 2010):
 Why give Jarvis another shot when he screwed it up the first time? Then you gave him a little get out of jail free card and tossed the ball in his court, but has yet to do anything about it. Jarvis is afraid of commitment, hence why he yo-yoed you around from friend to girlfriend till you gave him an ultimatum forcing him to choose. He likes the idea of the relationship, the sex..but that's as far as it goes with him. Bad idea dating a co-worker, because after the break up every time you see him it's a thorn in your side.
Jordan, you said one bit about him and that's all. I saw no spark, more or less a fun first date but turned off by the bad kissing so you won't be calling him back.
Ben seems like the best choice. Even though from your post you seem like a mature girl but I can't help but wonder what does a 26 year old want with a 16 year old? He's finished with uni and possibly has a career or in grad school, on the other hand you're still in high school...
My final answer is Ben but beware of what his intentions are. When you say no expectations, no strings attached do you mean starting as a friends then seeing where this goes? Be careful when you say that because that can also mean you don't want a relationship now but rather a fling.
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 I think you give Jarvis one last offer, and if he doesn't take it, you go for Ben.
Jordan isn't in the running. Jarvis needs to get his own head straight. Give him a serious shot, though, as you were v happy when together, and him getting cold feet about seriousness is a typical male thing - however, commitment phobes are always quite tricky, though can be rewarding.
If Jarvis won't commit, go for Ben - he is most likely anyhow the best bet, especially being older and knowing what is what.
Good luck!
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