A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I'm torn between two men! The guy I was seeing(Gary) is sweet, romantic, thoughtful, loving and treats me with respect. But he's not good in bed and I find I'm frequently bored with his company. Then I met this other guy (Ed) who's adventurous, intelligent, fun, sexy and great in bed. The problem is, he's not at all romantic or very affectionate with me and he sometimes treats me callously. We have great fun together, and great sex and he seems genuinely interested in me long-term but I miss the sweet, romantic things Gary used to do for me, even though he bored me in every other area. I've told Ed that I would like a little more old-fashioned romance, like holding hands, little notes, or cards occasionally, flowers once in awhile on special occasions, but he says it's just not his thing. So what do I do?....Go back to Gary, enjoy the romance and try to ignore all the other things he's lacking?...Or stay with Ed and try to forget about the romantic things I so crave?...Why can't I find a man that will give me both?....Or is that just the way things are in life?...Everything is a compromise. You can have great passion but no romance, or you can have great romance, and no passion! It seems so unfair. What should I do?
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (14 November 2006):
 Oh, darlin'... I've been there.
In my world, I chose "Ed" eventually. He was more fun and spontaneous... I have a ball with him. However, he took me through an emotional rollercoaster of cheating and drama... I couldn't trust him! I wish I had chosen my slightly more boring but reliable and sweet boy. He was such a geniunely good guy.
Maybe it's time to let them both go and try to find someone completely new.
A
reader, Rainee +, writes (14 November 2006):
 If you ignore all other qualities, you have this: You can teach a man to be better in bed, but you can't teach a man to CARE. So it might be better to go romantic but boring.
But a person can't live in a sexual vacuum; there are things that far more important, like love, intelligence, and mututal goals in life.
You act as though Gary is just waiting in limbo for you. Who's to stay he hasn't found someone who appreciates him for all of his "boring" qualities, while you've been gallivanting with Ed? Frankly, if he does accept you back, chances are you'll just become so bored once again and just leave him. That's not fair to either of you.
As for sexy Ed, you're hung up on one quality (romance) that really isn't terribly important. There are great men in life that just aren't that way; it doesn't make them a bad deal, it just requires a women that doesn't care about that stuff or a woman WHO INJECTS HER OWN ROMANCE in the relationship. Why do you think you're so special that you can sit back and just recieve? Why not set up the romantic evening yourself? Some men also feel the need to reciprocate if they see they're getting something like that (maybe not flowers, but tools or something that interests him). As there are no garuntees, if it's truly going to be a deal-breaker, just look for someone else.
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A
female
reader, hiddenspace  +, writes (14 November 2006):
 leave them both, it's unfair to both of them.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (14 November 2006):
 unfortunately babe we cant have it all you really need to think about this one i know flowers and holding hands are lovely but its not everything, and too many people think too much about sex you need to concentrate on the more important things in a relationship because most of the time, in time all that passion generally gets less and less so you need to work out which one can give you every thing else that is needed for a fantastic future together.
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