A
female
age
30-35,
*_Corbi8
writes:I'm 21 and came out as gay last year but still have no idea how to talk to girls I fancy. It seems so simple in my head, yet whenever a girl I like actually starts chatting to me, I get too shy to make any form of decent conversation! For instance, the other day my friend and I were chatting when a girl he knew walked over and started talking to him. She was obviously gay, good looking, and just my type. My friend introduced us and she said I looked familiar and asked where I'm from. I answered with one word and couldn't say anything else. That situation, along with so many others like it, felt way more awkward than it had to be - because of me! I'm really getting fed up of this so any practical advice you've got would be great!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2014): Don't be so hard on yourself. You've been introduced to that young lady, and you both have a mutual friend. You'll get another chance.
What makes you clam-up in the presence of people you like is thinking you have to say something special to keep their attention. The girl already broke the ice by talking to you. She started the conversation, just flow with it. How did you make friends with other people? You didn't always know every friend you have. There was a point when you were complete strangers, and just happened to take a liking to each other.
You, me, and a lot of people; sometimes we need to remember when we meet someone we find attractive for the first time; they are no different than anyone else we've met and made friends with. They don't know us, and the only way they will, is if we let them.
Stop idolizing people. Just because you think they're attractive, that doesn't place them above human. You're placing them above your reach; so your mind goes blank. You're not climbing up to their superiority; you're equal to everyone you meet; until they prove otherwise. You'll never meet anyone better than you. People are smarter, prettier, richer, taller, but not better! That's all superficial.
Shyness is just a phase we go through in childhood. When we should be cautious around strangers. We get older, and we can size people up, and know when they might be dangerous. As an adult, shyness is just a temporary pause to gather your nerve and set your game-plan. It's crippling-effect leftover from childhood can be overcome with maturity, determination, and courage. They go to the bathroom just like you do!
Unregulated shyness will make you miss out on a lot of golden opportunities, if you keep giving into it. It can also add to your charm, if you manage it properly. It alerts people not to come-on too strong, and invites a more calm and subdued approach. That's if you're the mellow type. If you're skiddish, that's just awkwardness. Not charming at all. It's unattractive, and sends off a bad or weird vibe when a cutie is checking you out. Chill!
You'll always choke-up on someone hot who catches you off-guard; but place yourself in the same position when you were called on by your teacher or professor unexpectedly. You're on the spot, and you snapped to attention! You gave the right answer, or the wrong answer; but you responded! If someone says hello, and asks you about yourself; the right answer is hello, and you warm things up by introducing yourself.
With practice, you'll get out of your head, and open your mouth; and do exactly the same things you do when you make a new friend. Stop instantly imagining people to be your "gay girlfriend" when you don't even know them. It's a little goofy! It trips you up, because your mind goes to Uranus every-time you see a pretty girl! I meant that as a pun, and a play on words! Don't space-out on a pretty face.
There are too many out there, and you don't want to miss-out on your share of them!
Good luck, my dear!
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