A
male
age
36-40,
*njoimx
writes:Please help. I recently started hooking up (amazing sex) with a younger coworker. She is 20 and I am 30. I usually am not attracted to much younger girls, but me and her connected in what I thought was a special way. She is intelligent, curious about life, classy, and mature for her age. She's awesome. Unfortunately her job ended and she left to travel for a couple months. The entire time we were hooking up, which was only 4 or so weeks (although it was often and very intense), we never mentioned the possibility of any kind of relationship. It was sort of unspoken that it was just for fun, just sex. I knew she was leaving soon and I didn't want to label what was going on for fear of ruining it if she got scared. I realize she is soo young and has her whole 20s in front of her, while I just turned 30, although I am a young 30 in super good shape and consider myself hip and fun. But I am AFRAID that I will never be able to be AS hip and fun as her. She is so young and while we connected so well, I have an underlying fear that there is a big difference in our maturity levels and a relationship is doomed. Now that she has left, I haven't been communicating with her. I am trying to let her be free essentially, enjoy traveling, I don't want her to think I am missing her and I want her to experience being young and free and have fun etc. but obviously I miss her and what we had, even though it was brief, it was intense and beautiful. She hasn't communicated with me either. We left on good terms but honestly they weren't really "terms", it was just a happy/sad hug and kiss goodbye and we didn't talk about the future at all.Please tell me she has forgotten about me and I am wasting my time pining over this beautiful young girl who I have no chance with again! I want to move on but I can't let go of the feeling that if she comes back to this job, there is a chance we could continue where we left off. It's going to be a minimum of 4-5 months before we potentially work together again. In the meantime I want to meet other girls but I can't let this one go, it was too good. Help me before i text her and tell her "I Miss You" because that's all I want to do. It's been 18 days by the way, and believe me, I am keeping track. Trying to measure my depression level each day to see if I am getting over her.Thanks so much for any advice
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2014): I also think you should contact her.
Don't be afraid of showing how you feel, otherwise whats the point? Whats the point in denying your feelings?
I'm guessing she could be trying to forget you by keeping busy, which could work if you leave it too long. If you felt there was some sort of connection then surely she must have felt it too.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2014): You are kind of too concentrated on her being 10 years younger and 20. So what she is only 20? Not all 20 year olds want to browse through multiple men and be "free". To do what? Have multiple sexual partners? Especially women are not very inclined to do this. Most women don't want to do it. You can be "free" and be in a relationship also. This is what healthy relationship is all about, people don't control each other, but give love and support. People in a relationship can still travel, and do their own things. This so called "freedom" is very much overrated and misunderstood. if you only can be free when single what is the point of getting married. Marriage and relationship is not a prison, at least it's not supposed to be. I think you deffinitely should call her or text her. Just remember: men and women are very different when it comes to emotions and sex. If she had non stop sex with you for 4 weeks, she did get emotionally attached to you also, this is just how it works with girls. If she didnt feel for you anyhting, she wold stop sex also. I am pretty sure she doesn't contact you because she feels that this is all you wanted: sex. It's very common these days to do a bunch of hookups without actual dating. Don't be affraid to show her that you missed her. But if you are only after another sessions of hookups, then don't.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2014): Being as young as she is, it isn't likely she feels as intensely about the hookup as you did. It was part of her journey into womanhood. At her age, if she was really emotionally-attached; I think you'd be hearing a lot from her.
If you never offered her any clues that you could be considering something more meaningful, you missed your window of opportunity. She will be gone long enough to meet other guys, and you really didn't spend enough time together just relating to each other non-sexually. If it was four weeks of hookups, I find it difficult to believe you can feel much of anything for her but lust. That's what it was all about.
You're smitten with her youth, beauty, and the sex. If there was more involved, you would have bypassed all that nonsense about letting her be young and free. You wasted no time going for the booty my friend, and you didn't suggest anything romantic aside from that.
When she returns, you're going to be looking for the same thing. Hoping to pickup where you left-off. You had better show her that your interest in her includes something more than sex. If she makes the first-move, you've got a chance.
If she doesn't, back-off.
Her lack of contact probably means she was happy with the way things ended. It was a great fling.
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