A
male
age
30-35,
*ayday20
writes:Hi-First of all this website is very helpful and I'd like to thank all the people who give such thoughtful answers. Okay, here's my problem. I can't get actually hard or keep an erection around my girlfriend. We've been together for 5 months now and she still hasn't given me head, mostly because of my anxiety. She's been very understanding and isn't putting pressure on me. We've agreed that she will anytime that I ask...but I just can't get an erection when I'm obsessing over getting hard. I know exactly whats happening, I get really nervous, the "Fight or Flight" response gets triggered, and blood goes places other than my penis. So it's all mental. I don't have ED or something like that. So my question is, what can I do to overcome this? I don't want this problem to affect me in future relationships. People tell me to just relax, but it's not that easy. Whenever I have erection, I start thinking about asking for head, and then it goes down. What can I do?
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male
reader, Rayday20 +, writes (9 April 2010):
Rayday20 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to give a little bit more detail....
This was not my first relationship, its been my third. I only had one before that got sexual, although that girlfriend never gave me head either. I never had problems getting hard then because I never even thought about it as an issue. I've had some confidence problems in general since I entered high school, so this is all related.
Also, I did take 10 mg of Cialis on 2 different occasions. Pretty much it just gave me a longer lasting erection when we were just kissing and I knew head was not on the table. It did nothing to give me an erection when I got really nervous however.
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (9 April 2010):
 Have you had an intimate relationship before this one? Or is the physical aspect new to you? How quickly did things move along in this relationship?
My teen experience boiled down to two particular relationships. In the first, we took time to get comfortable with each other. I felt the need (ignorance, peer pressure, whatever) to push things, and for the first few months was relieved to be told, firmly, 'no.' So nothing happened until we were both ready.
In the second, I expected a repeat -- months of getting comfortable and slowly pushing the limits. Instead, she completely surprised me on our first date by saying she loved me and being willing to go as far as I got in a year with the first one. The result was the same problem as you -- for some time, I simply couldn't respond.
I say all that to suggest that things might perhaps have moved a bit far, a bit fast in the relationship you're in. Maybe if you just do what you're comfortable with, things will happen in their own good time.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 April 2010):
 Have you tried Viagra or Cialis or Levitra?
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