A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ive been with my bf for about three years now we just recently had a babygirl who now is 5months and thing are good between us we used to fight alot over things that happend in the past thing are good now but ive notice that i feel realy attached to hem and i dont know what to do about it..im very controling over hem i dont lik hem doing anything without me because im always thinking that hes gon to cheat on me so i always keep our relantionship realy control,seen we been togther hes n ever cheated on me im 100% sure of that.. i know hes getting tired of my behavior im tryinng to figuer out what is wrong with me and what i can do to stop feeling like im attached to hem and dont want hem to do anything without me because i knw its driven hem away i just cant satnd feeling soooo attacted to hem if anyone can give me sum adive that would be great thank u!
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (11 January 2012):
Hi. Perhaps what you mean by wanting to feel less attracted to him, is that you don't want to NEED him so much.
Some of what you are feeling comes from insecurity, and the fear you might lose him, because everything is going so well.
Perhaps you even feel that you are less attractive to him now, since becoming a mother.
For that reason, keep up your appearance. Keep your hair healthy and done nicely, wear nice figure flattering clothes and keep in shape - the walking will definitely help that. And relax more.
And make yourself more interesting by putting more into your life, so you have some interesting things to talk about when he comes home from work.
Gain more energy by exercising, it also elevates the mood.
What really needs to happen now to make things right, is that you need to make your home a happy and joyful, emotionally comfortable place to come home to.
Would you want to come home from work every night - feeling tired or maybe a hard day on the job - to a partner who was constantly doubting him and always negative and seemingly always unhappy? Of course you wouldn't. No-one would.
When a person comes home from a hard day at the office, they want to just relax and let go of all the cares of the day. They want to be nurtured and cheered up by someone who is happy and positive about life. And also supportive of them.
And believe me it makes a big difference.
Then it makes "home" a really nice place to be.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionidk why im sooo unsure of hem im trying to figuer that out still and why i feel sooo attacted to hem i hate feeling this way i think its because ive never had anyone as great as hem and im just scared to lose hem but by me actting this way is only goin to end of in hem leaving me thats why im trying to figuer out what i can do to make my self feel less attated to hem what i can i do to make myself feel less attated to hem!!
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (10 January 2012):
Hi there. Now that you have a baby, your life has probably changed substantially.
However, your boyfriend's life hasn't changed much at all.
He still has his freedom.
You might be feeling a touch resentful towards the freedom he still has. Don't be.
Assumably, he goes to work each day, so he has that freedom.
Just be thankful he can support the 3 of you and you are able to pay the rent or mortgage and all your bills. So that truly is something to be very happy about. You have security, and that's a lot.
You on the other hand, stay at home to take care of your 5 month old daughter.
So you have lost a lot of your freedom.
Having a baby changes things a lot, as you now realize.
There are so many things you just cannot do, because you can't just get in the car and drive to a shopping mall whenever you feel like it. You have your baby girl to consider, so if you were to go out, it would mean taking your baby with you every time.
So it's completely understandable that you feel somewhat closed in at times.
He has his freedom and you do not.
You are probably feeling a bit restricted and missing your independence.
It's important that you allow him his one night or two nights out a week, of going to see his mates for a couple of hours each time. He does need that.
If he's not going out every single night, well then it's probably not a real problem to you.
What might be helpful to you, would be during your average day when it's just you and your baby, why don't you get the baby stroller out and put some comfortable shoes on and take her for a walk.
The walk will do you both good. It's exercise for you, and it's something different to look at, for her. So it's beneficial to you both.
And while you are out walking, you will find it will allow you some very valuable thinking time about your life. It's like a meditation - some very important "Me Time". It's absolutely priceless.
When you walk, go for at least 30 minutes. And try to make it a habit every day, or at least 3 days a week or even 5.
It's also very relaxing and will tone you up all over.
You will feel fantastic afterwards - and energised as well as relaxed.
As well as walking, you might also like to consider taking up a hobby you can do at home. Something creative perhaps? How about drawing or painting, making things with your hands, embroidery, anything you like really.
And as well as that, maybe you could read some of your favourite books - romance, adventure, murder mysteries, psychological thrillers, Science fiction, to name a few.
Even light reading like "mills & boons" novels, that are only about a quarter inch thick and are always romances, and they only take a few hours to read. A bit of fun. You can very often pick them up at your local newsagents and bookshops as well.
The main thing is, you must make time for yourself, every single day. The ideal time would be when your baby takes her nap. Take advantage of that time to either pursue a hobby or read an interesting book, or keeping in touch with your friends by phone.
It's really important to schedule time into your day - just for yourself - it's absolutely essential! I promise you, you need it.
The more fun you can make your life - every single day - the less dependent on your boyfriend you will be, because you will be making yourself happy.
Happiness is up to us. No-one else can make us happy. It's entirely our own responsibility.
You could begin this process by marking out your wall calendar and your personal diary - every single day - with at least one fun activity just for you, to enjoy each and every time. You might like to do this before you go to bed each night. Before bed would be better than in the morning, when things could become very busy.
It's like making a plan for yourself for the day. The secret is, you need to make it a habit. That's really critical for it to work.
Actually schedule it in like you would for a doctor's appointment. Write it in at a certain time to do whatever it is you want to do. For instance, 2pm - read for 1 hour.
If you mark it in your diary, you make it a very specific goal, that is more likely to happen than if you just wrote it on a piece of paper on a "To-Do List". That is not specific at all, and will probably just not happen.
Being specific, shines the laser beam on it and it becomes a focal point and it also makes you aware of it. And that's important. Because then it becomes a reality. And with a much greater chance of it eventuating.
In fact, schedule them in FIRST - before you do your work tasks. Just like an appointment. Make an appointment with yourself.
However, you MUST do it every day. It's key for it to become habit, as soon as possible.
That's not to say you neglect your other work tasks, more that you "prioritize" them (the fun stuff), into your life as the most important things to do.
If you prioritize your fun stuff (Me Time), and make it become a habit, it will ultimately make the rest of your day much more productive.
And don't say - "Oh, but I just don't have time!" - because that just isn't true.
You would be surprised at just how much more productive your whole day will be when you prioritize your fun stuff in FIRST. You actually get so much more done in your average day.
And the other most wonderful thing about living that way, is that time seems to slow down completely, with a complete absence of feeling you have to hurry because you will be late for something or other.
You actually have lots of time over. It really is quite remarkable!
Please, I urge you to try this - TODAY!
Don't delay doing this for one more day. I beg of you.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (10 January 2012):
 Why are you so unsure of your boyfriend? It's more important now than ever to get on well together, ESPECIALLY with a new baby........
Could it be that you want to marry? This would make it a real commitment, particularly in terms of both parents bringing up the little one.
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