A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,A little advice needed. Me and my boyfriend were together for four years when my parents announced they were moving to a different country for my dads work. I had the option of staying or going with them. After much consideration I decided to go with them due to financial reasons. I changed university courses and that was that. Me and my boyfriend both decided that we would end the relationship, we would be a four hour plane journey from one another and wouldn't know when I would be returning. We were both devastated but I guess I handled it better than him as I was the one leaving and not being left behind. I think deep down he wanted to continue with the relationship. We ended on good terms, remained friends but did not have any contact. I dated other people and he dated other people, when 3 months later my family decided to move back home (another story). Part of me was really excited to see him, I had missed him greatly but had got on with it as I thought there was no going back. The other part of me was scared he didn't feel the same. We met up three days after I returned home and I contacted him. I said I had missed him and he said he has missed me too. However he did say he wasn't sure if we could return to that relationship now and didn't want to promise anything as things had changed and we had seen other people. We took it slowly and two months later we got back into a relationship. Everything has returned to normal, lots of love, fun times and laughs. I can't get out of the back of my mind though that he didn't really want this. Due to the fact he wasn't as keen on the idea as me originally, he dated a lot of girls in the time I was away and I worry that he enjoyed that freedom. He last spoke to the girl he was dating and quite liked 6 days after I returned and they have had no contact since. I said to him I feel like this isn't what he really wanted and he said I was being silly, and if he didn't want this he wouldn't be in the relationship. There's a part of me that thinks if I had returned and not contacted him that he wouldn't of contacted me either. I made the first move for everything, I contacted him, I expressed my desire to be back with him and told him how much I loved him. He was more offish with me for at least a month of me being home. He kept saying 'let's see how things go'. I'm worried that he's going to be with me for a few months and then realise he's made a mistake and going running back to the single life he had a taste of.
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male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (1 May 2014):
 "There's a part of me that thinks if I had returned and not contacted him that he wouldn't of contacted me either."See this from his perspective...after a few years of being together you told him you were leaving him for pastures new. Goodbye. He had to deal with that rejection, move on and obviously found other women. It would be unfair to expect him to have just waited 3 months for you to come back (obviously not knowing you would be doing so.) He, to some extent, moved on and tried to progress with his life after you finished with him and moved away. He has got back together with you but no doubt he probably thinks "if her parents hadn't moved back to the UK I would not have been given the time of day" and that if you REALLY wanted to be with him that you would have stayed in the first place.You need to give this time. He may also be wary of you upping and leaving again in the future and placing him back to square one again. As he said himself, see how it goes. Don't pressurize him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2014): I know this is a difficult situation but I think you are being a wee bit on the selfish side.Your boyfriend basically had no choice but to 'bottle it' and try to get on with life without you. That's not easy to do. The fact that he dated other people means little more than he was just trying to get on with life in the same way that you were.He is now being required to 'unbottle' his feelings and he has very fairly told you that he needs a little time to adjust. Who on earth wouldn't? It's unrealistic to expect him to have spent 3 months pining for you thinking he would never stop loving you, when he honestly thought there was no way it could ever work out between you. It's been pretty mind-bending for him - he's had to switch all his feelings off and now back on again and you are in danger of losing him IF you pressure him with your fears and insecurities and neediness. It seems like he is actually adjusting to this strange change of events but you are not. It's you that needs to look at how you are coping, not project your fears onto him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2014): You're afraid? Don't be afraid and ruminate and obsess over "what if" what could happen, he's likely gunna be a bit afraid himself of your dad needing to jet off again n you going with him... But you've been together four years and he came back to you. You've got something special, so love each other honestly and freely. Communicate openly and you could well be in it for the long haul. HOWEVER like the last poster said, staying together a lifetime is so rare and white miraculous... People change, things happen, but give it your best shot. It's NOT the end of the world if things don't work out. Wish you well. X :)
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (1 May 2014):
 That part of you that keeps thinking he will go back to the single life, will push him back to the single life…NO Relationship is written in stone or blood. The fact that people spend the rest of their lives together is a miracle in itself. Stressing about what may or may not happen has done what for your relationship??? So…why stress.If you are in love, then love. If things don’t work out, then they didn’t. Just enjoy being in love, and as he says…see where things go.
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