A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship with an absolutely amazing woman. She is kind, caring and everything I could ever hope for. But I just don't fancy her. I am waiting for something to 'click in', but it isn't. I fall asleep with her at night feeling guilty and I am now making excuses not to sleep with her. I love her company, but whenever I look at her, there is no 'My God, you're gorgeous', when in fact she is, but I just don't feel it. We have been together for a month. She keeps telling me how amazing I am and I feel like a fraud. She is amazing, but I just don't feel it. What can I do? Wait? Or let her go? She deserves so much more than I can give her now. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2007): You are not sexually attracted to this woman and the chances are that you will come to resent her for not being everything you want her to be. Liking someone and thinking they are amazing and wonderful is one thing but not being attracted to them is another. She deserves somebody who really thinks she is sexy and attractive.
A
female
reader, Sunset0000 +, writes (8 May 2007):
I've gone out with someone in the past because we were basically like best friends. We had everything in common and I felt I should go out with him because I wouldn't find anyone else who was so similar to me and so kind and caring. Or someone that felt so much for me. But I didn't really fancy him, I did a bit but there was no 'spark' there. I was with him 3 months but throughout the relationship I was unsure the whole time, trying to feel this thing that I just couldn't feel. In the end I called it off cos it just didn't feel right. I'm friends with him now and I feel there is still something very special between us, an extremely deep friendship and I think that is what it was back then. IF there is no spark there and you are feeling guilty I thinkyou really do have to let her go because you're probably meant to be friends rather than anything else. In a relationship you need to have the whole package really. I think you really need to discuss this with her and tell her how you feel, this will be hard but if you don't fancy her you can't go on feeling guilty all the time, you have to let her find the person who thinks she is gorgeous, as well as loving her.
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A
female
reader, Sunset0000 +, writes (8 May 2007):
I've gone out with someone in the past because we were basically like best friends. We had everything in common and I felt I should go out with him because I wouldn't find anyone else who was so similar to me and so kind and caring. Or someone that felt so much for me. But I didn't really fancy him, I did a bit but there was no 'spark' there. I was with him 3 months but throughout the relationship I was unsure the whole time, trying to feel this thing that I just couldn't feel. In the end I called it off cos it just didn't feel right. I'm friends with him now and I feel there is still something very special between us, an extremely deep friendship and I think that is what it was back then. IF there is no spark there and you are feeling guilty I thinkyou really do have to let her go because you're probably meant to be friends rather than anything else. In a relationship you need to have the whole package really. I think you really need to discuss this with her and tell her how you feel, this will be hard but if you don't fancy her you can't go on feeling guilty all the time, you have to let her find the person who thinks she is gorgeous, as well as loving her.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (8 May 2007):
 Your last sentence says it all. Let he go so she can find the man who looks at her and says "My God, You're gorgeous".
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