A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,My BF and I have been together over two years. I'm very much in love with him despite what has transpired between us. For the duration of our relationship he's lied about several things to me. Mostly about gambling, and the extent of it. He spends excessively then expects me to pay his debts that have been neglected due to his problem. I've finally put my foot down and told him to seek help. He can be completely wonderful, loving caring. Then he has this dark side. Possessive, controlling, demanding behavior. He wants me to move in with him and demands me to. I am not ready because I want to ensure his gambling and lying are over before I commit to living together. He seems to feel his word should be enough. I've heard his word for all our relationship and it never stopped. I seen him today and he was yelling at me! When are you going to move! I said "not yet". I tried to leave he called me the C word and grabbed my arm( this isn't the first time he's grabbed me) Now he's given me an ultimatum saying if I don't move in with him by such a date, we're basically done. I'm in shock! After all he's put me through. Putting me in debt do to his gambling. Finding a ladies bobby pin in his washroom when he lives with NO woman and he claimed its mine when I don't wear them in my hair. Am I right expecting him to seek help and stick to it before making that commitment? Do I even bother anymore after all he has done?I still love him. I'm tired of my heart ruling my mind.
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male
reader, Anonymousmale1  +, writes (20 October 2010):
 Let me begin by saying that recognizing that this is a problem is the first step in making an important change in your life.
You are very wise to resist his offer to move in with him because things will only get worse as time goes on. Your boyfriend exhibits signs of typical gamblers and over time you have assisted him by paying for his debts.
Since you are the only person whom would assist him with this issue he now wants to dominate you in an attempt to control you as well as your income.
By you moving in he will continue to gamble away his cash, leaving you to foot the bills for everything. You'll find yourself paying the rent, food, water, cable, electrical and any other bills that come along.
Once there he will count on what you make to allow him to continue to keep a roof over his head. Also, when you decide you've had enough and want to move out he will become physical with you. It will be alot worse then the verbal abuse you recently went through.
I can understand that you still love him, however you need to understand that you are in love with the person he was, not the person he is right now.
I work in the casino industry and I've seen this type of thing play out many times and believe me its never pretty in the end. Right now, although you probably don't know it you are considered an enabler. You are enabeling him to continue his destructive behavior and you don't even know it.
By asking for assistant here you've shown that you are at the end of your rope, this is fine, since you're here just let go.
Walk away from this mess before it consumes you as well. As a gambling addict he is not about to change for you or anyone else.
Put some time and space between you and he and move on with your life without him. Otherwise you'll be setting yourself up for more pain and suffering than you could ever imagine.
Eventually he may change, however this should not be your concern because you cannot predict when or if. Are you willing to waste your precious time (life) on a man who is definately out of control?
I wish you luck and I pray that you do whats right for you, which in this case is walking away to focus on your life and not allowing this nightmare to go any further.
Good Luck,
Anonymousmale1
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