A
female
age
51-59,
*lskitten
writes:HiOk, i saw a question on here earlier that drew my attention to my current situation and wouldn't mind a bit of feedback on it.My ex and i split 3 months ago now. I have no feelings for him apart from dislike and he is aware of this (i wont go into the details of the split, as its irrelivant to the question)Anyway my little bro (he's 25) started working for my ex a couple of months before we split. Obviously he was going to carry on working for him after, its money and he he is a big time drinker (like my ex) My ex is paying him a daily wage, buying his smokes, taking him to the pub (next to my house) every night and i wouldnt expect my bro to lose all that?!But the problem here is even though in the last couple of weeks me and my bro are back on talking terms (he did kinda ignore me when i split with the ex) i just feel like things wont ever be the same.My bro says my ex is like a brother to him now, and admittedly that hurts. My sister even said 'are they joined at the hip or something??' My older sis doesnt really have a lot to do with him due to his past and she is 2 hours from us and has never been as close to him as me.My bro has agreed that he will come out with me this coming weekend, without bringing the ex! And i'm hoping he sticks to that, but instinct is telling me he wont because i cant afford to pay for his whole night out, my ex can. In fact, i might even use my overdraft!How would you deal with this when you used to be so close to your bro, let him stay at your house a couple of years ago when he lost his home due to drug addiction and have paid off some of his bills in the past.He has told me he loves me this week and i told him i loved him, and his liver! He said he missed me when we werent talking, but do you think i need to let go and accept he's got his new shadow and there aint nowt i can do about it?If so how do you do that?????Sorry this was long. Its amazing when you can give others advice but your own probs can stump you at times!C xxxx
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female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (27 August 2007):
hlskitten is verified as being by the original poster of the question Anon, i have no desire to cure my exes drinking problem. Hes of no interest to me. Was only half with him a year. Off n on.
If i had my way, he would of disappeared 3 months ago when i dumped him and i wouldnt of seen him again. Isnt that what we all want when we finish with someone we dont want to be with anymore?
But no, i have to put up with him buying my little brother with booze and money. And them sitting in the beer garden next to my house 7 days a week after 'work'
Sorry, not ranting lol Just wanted to state that its my brother i worry about and how this has all put a wedge between us. When we used to be so close.
My brother has been to drug counselling in the past and quits. He is nowhere near ready to stop ruining his liver. Drink is his drug subsitute at the moment. Hes 25 but a very immature 25.
Our family doesnt have drink problems, i cant think of one person in my family that drinks unless they are at a wedding even! Apart from little bro. My mum has half a glass of bailys at xmas. Its real hard for her to understand why he is like it. (He's got a different dad to me and my sister)
The ex was a drinker before i met him and can carry on for all i care. hes not my problem hehe. Only my brother. Cant help loving your little bro can you :o)
C xxxxx
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (27 August 2007):
hlskitten is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Penta,
Yeh i stopped giving him money just after me and the ex split, because that was the only time i heard from him. The ex had taken off to Spain for 2 weeks, because we split.
Me and mum have spoken to someone about his drugs thing and they have also told us not to give him any money.
My mum still finds this hard to do.
Just wish sometimes my ex didnt have such a hold over him!
He knows how to buy my brother and i have tried telling my brother he is just a pawn in my exes game! But because he is getting money out of him, i guess he doesnt really care!
Oh well. Life can be a beach sometimes ey! hehe
Thank you very much for replying.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (27 August 2007):
 Don't feed your brother's addiction. Don't give him any more money. Certainly don't go into debt to give him a good time. Were you able to find an Al-Anon (or Nar-Anon) meeting in your area? These folk helped me immensely and could help you too.
Your brother will come around. You're family. You need to be strong for him so that when this falls apart you're there. But do not go into debt for him. And don't let him around your kids when he's not sober. Certainly don't go drinking with him.
And don't take it personally that your ex and he hit it off -- your brother is only interested in him for the bad stuff (money/drinks). That won't last. Family will.
It's time for the "tough-love" with your brother.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): Drinking appears to be the root of many problems with your family/relationships. I know AA works but only for those who are ready for it and want to stop drinking. What would help YOU is attending some Alanon meetings. It is an organization for the family and/or friends of alcoholics. They can help you find the proper balance in your complicated life with some serious drinkers. You will find the number in the phone book in your area. Go to several Alanon meetings before you do anything with your bro and/or ex.
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