A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,My bf and I had a huge row this weekend. We've been dating for a year and he's recently asked me to move in with him. I accepted and we were in the process of making room in his house for all my stuff. The problem is, his ex-wife's crap is all over his house from when she lived there two years ago. I'm talking stuff like nail polish, hair spray, lipstick, and clothes that are still under his bed. Oh, I forgot the empty condom wrappers that are under there too... we've never had a need to use them. And Yes, they have been there a long time, they've got a layer of dust on them damn near a half inch thick. (So don't suggest he's cheating... he's not.) I've mentioned to him before that having that stuff all over the house bothered me, but I never felt that I was in a position to tell him what he should or shouldn't have in his own home. Well now that he's asked me to move in to his home, I feel it is HIS responsibility to throw that stuff out, and NOT mine. He doesn't understand why I am so upset that this stuff is still all over the place, and says throw it out when you run across it. I'm hurt that he can't or won't go through his own damn home and get rid of her crap BEFORE I move in. It pisses me off everytime I see that stuff. Moving in together is going to be hard enough with out adding all that past relationship crap on top of it. Am I out of line in insisting that throwing out her crap is his responsibility or should I suck it up one more time, deal with it, and resent him for it later?Just sign me,Freakin' tired of dealing with her crap.
View related questions:
condom, ex-wife, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, I'm So Over It22 +, writes (13 August 2007):
i was in that same situation. he went to work and i was at his place alone. i knew that they had lived together, but i didn't expect his ex wife's thngs to still be there. so he decided for me to move n with him. so i moved in my things. i opened up the drawer that he kept his underwear in and her ugly ass swim suit was in there. so i questioned him about it and he told me to trow it away. i told him to do it. it was his responsibility to do so. cuple more days go by and i am putting clothes into his closet i i find sum of her clothes, and old pictures of them in the delivery room and just alot of family pics. so i spoke up about them. So, wut he and i decided to do was to go through everything and throw away her things together. so i was getting the satisfaction of throwing her things away that maybe she wanted and also the satisfaction the he was helping me do it. that showed me that he didn't give a rat's a** about her or her things. so maybe u and ur bf can sit down and do it together. take sum time away from everything else and get rid of those things. see, guys are different from us. they dont clean as often and they look over things. it didnt bother my bf whether her things were there of not. so dont get upset gurl, get rid of those things. cause u being upset will cause tension in ur relationship over nothing. good luck and keep ur relationship in goog terms.
A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (23 April 2007):
 He may not understand how much it bothers you and be more laid back about it all.
But as it bothers you more, you need to take action into your hands.
It is not a good start to start having rows once you move in together.
I am not suggesting to give him an ultimatum as it would not be right and yes it is not fair that you should clear somebody else's crap. However, you are the one who needs this cleansing so it is "spring cleaning time"!
Ask your partner NICELY if his ex wants her stuff back. If so, you put EVERYTHING in a box and store it in a garage/cupboard for a week.
Explain to him that you would like to have more space in the house to make you feel more welcome.
Say to your boyfriend that if his ex does not want it back or does not collect it within a week, you will throw it all away or burn it. It will solve the problem and make you feel so much better.
My nail polish lives under my roof so it is likely that the ex only left her rubbish behing anyway.
Concentrate on what you can do and be positive. It is not going to be easy to touch another woman's stuff you if you do not do it, you will be waiting a long time for him to clean it.
Putting your own stamp into the house is not just about painting walls, it is also about clearing clutter and this is all it is.
Then relax and enjoy your relationship without third party memories.
Good luck
Angel of Love
...............................
A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (23 April 2007):
He should really do it. Im worried that keeping all her stuff is a way of keeping hold of there relationship. Are you sure hes over her ?. If it was my house, i would deffinately get rid of my exs stuff. Why dont you collect it all up for him, and go with him to the dump with it. You could always give it away to charity. I think you need to ask him WHY EDZACTLY, is he keeping all of her shitty stuff.
...............................
A
female
reader, elsie +, writes (23 April 2007):
 youve effectively answered your own question at the end.dont you dare suck up to him love.think seriously if he cant be bothered with clearing out his exs stuff its probably one of two reasons a)hes dam right lazy and cant be bothered to do anything properly even if this upsets you.whats he like in general?thats your main clue.and b)he somehow trying to show off and is so insecure that he needs to look like the big man and prove he had a women there before??????
what the hell is he playing at?sounds strange.hasnt he 'run across' enough of her stuff to get rid of it all as he goes along?maybe ask him to clear the whole lot out and when youve seen in all in see through plastic bin bags you might believe he cares?alternatively borrow from a male friend loads of y-fronts,razors,dirty mags and bring it all with you when you move in.somehow i feel this might not even faze him.good luck.
...............................
|
