A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I’ve become real short with people. I don’t know why. I just don’t have the patience to listen to the same stories and complaints over and over again. And I know everyone has their own ‘greatest hits’ material, myself included, so I don’t know why I suddenly can’t stand it anymore. Take for example my dad. There’s this politician he hates, and whenever that guy is on TV he goes into this tirade that’s been exactly the same forever, about how that guy is responsible for this and that, how he started the whole take-no-responsibility-for-anything-at-all part of politics, etc. Same rant, every time, despite the fact the guy hasn’t been active in politics for 3 years. So today somehow this politician got mentioned and he started again, and I said “yeah yeah, I know how you feel about this guy, just drop it already.” Then later, he talks about how he’s going to get rid of some moss, but he’s not going to use “that nasty stuff again”, because “it fucked him up”. Said nasty stuff has been the subject of basically everything he talks about lately, and he blames every health problem he has on it, while his original symptoms (irritated eyes, dry skin) are long gone. And I was like “yeah, I get it okay”. Then later, my mom started talking about my dog, who is 18, repeating the old story of her old dog, the same story I’ve heard throughout childhood and never particularly liked because it ends in the dog getting a fatal aneurism. And I kinda cut her off, because yeah, I know 18 is old, but as long as the dog isn’t in pain and pretty mobile, I’m not going to euthanize him. Then my brother goes into this nostalgia rant about how old games were so much better than they are now, and god, I’ve heard him talk about that stuff for months now. And I cut him off too and my dad snaps at me telling me I’m denying their right to express their opinions. And y’know, maybe he’s right. I’m just tired of hearing about the same boring stuff over and over and over again. And I told them to please tell me if I’m telling them stories can’t stand, so I can throw them out of my repertoire, but they haven’t come up with one. I know it’s super trivial and normally I just let petty things like this just pass me by because every human has their annoying traits, but lately I’m having trouble tolerating it. Anyway, sorry for the rant. I don’t really know what I want from you guys. Just needed to get it off my chest, I guess. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2014): Just another thought I'd like to offer that is hopefully helpful. Ranting is a good way to vent, and let out your frustrations. Your father is really under a lot of stress, and he doesn't want to complain directly about what is really bothering him. He's covering up his true feelings. He is pretending the ranting is about other things; it's not. He's old-school, and men aren't supposed to cry; or appear weak in-front of their wife and children.
He feels helpless and he's striking out. He can't show signs of weakness or seem emotional; so he shows anger. He's angry at your mother for being ill, and frustrated about your brother. He is worried what would happen if something happened to him as well. He's worried how you'd handle all that being so young. Instinctively, you know that's what it's really about. He's worried about bills and finances. He's in a private hell.
You are a wonderful daughter to take time away from your own life to help your family. However; you can't let all this get to you. DearCupid is a good place to come and vent your feelings. Read words from others who understand how you feel; and in the same situation. Share your frustrations. I want to comfort you; because I know this is a heavy burden on someone so young.
Your dad needs to get his real feelings out about your mother and your brother. That is what is heavy on his mind. He feels guilty that you had to take time away from your job and life to care for all of them. He feels he should be able to by-himself. He knows of no-one he can tell what he's feeling; or who understands his perspective on all of this. He really needs you; but by being a big blowhard, he's avoiding letting you know that. I know you already know that, or you wouldn't be there.
He feels he should be able to do it all himself; but he's used to her taking care of all of you. He needs to talk about how he feels, and I might suggest that you get him to get what's really bothering him out. Get it off his chest, and stop ranting and raving about totally irrelevant crap. Admit to him that it is upsetting you. Let him know it's okay to be upset; but you would feel better if he found a better way to express his feelings. His ranting is too much for you right now.
You still have to remove yourself from the house long enough to get your bearings. Being closed-up too much will shorten your patience, and you will get a bit of cabin-fever. Stressed-out. You're too young to be bottled-up and housebound.
Your dad can sit with your mom for a few hours. You should also kick him out of the house to get him away from the TV and to rest your nerves. If you don't, you'll be tending to him for his health issues as well; or end up flat on your own back, and looney-tunes.
Please comeback and talk to us as often as you need to.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2014): Hi OPI'm the writer of the third reply here. We have unbelievably similar situations. I just gave up my flat to move back with my parents, to look after my mother who has a brain tumour. It is great to be able to help, but having to listen to my dad's constant ranting is almost unbearable. He always goes on about the same pet topics and once he gets started there is no stopping him! There is no room for debate either, he just asserts his view more vehemently. I did find that making an effort to get out and about and interact with other people definitely helps diffuse things. In fact it is the only way I am staying sane. Then I can come back and be more loving, so be a better help for my mum, which was the whole purpose. I found that just telling myself he has a personality disorder helps me letgo of some of the crap. Also, like your dad, he is probably finding the whole situation incredibly stressful and out of control. Hence ranting at the telly is a nice familiar activity that makes him feel in control.anyway, good luck with it. I was glad to read your post as it made me laugh and not feel so alone about my own situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers so far.
Some added info for why I'm living at home: my mom got recently disabled and I'm helping my dad care for her until we have the whole health care situation sorted out (my teen brother suffered brain damage from oxygen deprivation when he was born and his motor skills suffered, so he can't help).
It's a temporary situation as I expect to move out again when I'm sure everyone can keep their heads above water. I had to give up the apartment where I used to live because I can't pay the expenses with the limited amount of time I have to work (I work parttime now) and also because I don't want to throw money at something I'm not using.
I do have hobbies and friends, but a lot of time is spent at home, and I guess today was just more frustrating than usual.
Thanks for the feedback though; kindness does go a long way
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2014): You've grown up. It's time to move out. If you remain in the same house with the people you grew-up with; you'll hear the same old stories, time and time again.
Oh, do I understand how you feel about rants about the same old tired worn-out crap. But oops!!! You're still under their roof! So just like on TV; if you watch the same old channel long enough, you're going to get the same old shows and tired old re-runs.
You need to get out more. You need to find yourself a new outlet, and make some new friends. Get out of the house and listen to some new stories. Join a club. Find a hobby to lose your self in, to help you shutout the world and its repetition. Get some headphones and drown them out!
People tend to repeat what is familiar; because it plays over in their heads. That is a sign they don't get out much. Life gets routine. So they have nothing much else to talk about. So it's time to get your own place.
Even when you're around your friends or co-workers, it's going to be the same. You're letting it get to you. You have to have some patience with people. Especially your loved-ones. You just need your own space to think. So you get short-tempered and irritable; because you feel cramped.
There will be one friend who will always annoy you with her same-old whiny boyfriend complaints, and some guy who is always bragging about his sexual conquests. A boyfriend who endlessly talks about himself. Truth is, you may never get away from it altogether. You just change the scenery and the characters to give yourself a break.
I must answer the same questions from OP's many times over.
I can't be rude or snotty about it. It may be the same topic, but it is a different experience for every individual. Sometimes it's the same person with the same problem. Kindness doesn't allow me to deprive them of the opportunity to vent, and speak their mind; or express their feelings. Try to adopt that a little into your life. At least until you're living in your own place.
No one is complaining about your moaning and complaining.
So I guess that's where you all break even.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2014): I can relate to this. It just comes with the territory of living with other people. I doubt your dad will stop ranting about politicians or that awful stuff that's causing all these health problems, so the best thing to do is let it wash over you. Same with your mum and brother. You need to get out more, seriously, not being rude. But then you won't have to listen to this stuff half as much, and when you do, it will be easier to let it drop, because you will have more interesting things going on in your life.
However, not saying it will stop bugging you completely. Sometimes you just need to get it off your chest!
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female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (8 June 2014):
 i think that there is truly only so much anyone can take from any one person and when you are listening to the same stories over and over again from everyone you know it can get tiresome - either they need to shush about it or get a new line of dialogue.
I don't blame you, I feel the same way. I think it is what it is and I am inclined to agree with the poster before me about your level of intelligence, you're more aware of yourself than most, more than likely and realize how trivial all this other stuff is.
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female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (8 June 2014):
 LOL...Very entertaining rant. My guess is that your IQ is way above average, so I'm not surprised this kind of stuff will irritate you. Anyway, just consider this kind of irritation a quirk of yours. If anyone calls your "cranky" or "irritable", just reply, "So bite me!".
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