A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, I could use some advice. Im feeling neglected sexually. My husband and I have been married four years together 6. Im a stay at home mom by day and work partime nights 10-230am as a waitress. My husband works nearly fulltime and also trains as a volunteer firefighter. I have to schedule sex with my hubby to have sex at all and when we do its unfufilling. I havent gotten "release" in months. I know he works hard and I dont want to pester him as Ive already discussed it with him. I never get time alone. Im also with my kids- toddlers and I take care of my parents. What should I do and how should I handle this. Im in my early to midtwenties, my husbands midtwenties. Thanks! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2013): Well the foreplay/oral hasnt gone on for at least a year, he knows it bothers me but doesnt try to change it because he says"whats the point you dont like it anyway" I love oral but HE doesnt like doing it so we dont. He doesnt touch me because yeah sometimes it does hurt and I try to gently show him but I think he thinks its too hard because Im "too difficult" to satisfy... even though Im fairly normal. I like clitoral stimualtion. It just makes me feel bad that he doesnt even try anymore. He hardly lasts five minutes and the other night when he did last ten I got close but he got a cramp. I can only come from doggy but ee start off with me on top because he likes iy. Sorry if its tmi. About two years ago we were having issues because my sex drive wasnt as high as his ( at least 3 times a week, but I was very tired because the kids were under two) He didnt like only getting it 3-4 times a week so he started talking to women on social networking sites and craigslist and that hurt a lot. So now when I bring up that it makes me feel bad that he doesnt have sex as much or help me to orgasm he just starts saying "all you care about is sex and sex shouldnt be that important" when two years before sex meant more than our relationship Idk. Just makes me feel bad. I know hes busy I dont harass him about it but i get it once a week or less and I never did that to him-- EXCEPT after I had our kids but I also did other things to satisfy him. ( with the first it was 6 weeks after until I was able to have sex and the second was 2 weeks after) Anyways I just dont know what to do sex is important to me, but hes more important. He doesnt want me having toys because he says he would feel replaced.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2013): It will get better, when your husbands gets his certifications. Then he ll be making good money but still working hard. May be then with kids a little grown it will come back. Did you tell him that this how you feel? When you do it why it stopped being unfulfilling? Is it too fast, no oral sex and foreplay? For How long it was it going on?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2013): My mom is mid-sixties and its not my father(just easier to explain it that way) Its my step dads father who is mid- 80s. Its a long story. Mom n stepdad divorced, he took off. No other family and my step grandfather is just a great guy has done a lot for us and he would end up in a convelescent hospital. He has dementia, and is frail. My mom on the other hand is disabled, and pretty off her rocker and has always been. Poor hygiene and doesnt take carr of herself. So thats why I care for them. My husband is trying to get become a firefighter, thus the volunteering. He just needs one or two more certifications.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2013): Buy a vibrator to assist with your "release". He's a busy man. Ofcourse he needs to make an effort atleast ocassionally but you cant really pester him.
Do you work 7days a week? You could try on a free night getting someone to babysit your kids, go out to dinner, then take your time to have some romantic sex afterwards.
Both of you need to strive to make your marriage work, you must not let it crumble before your eyes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2013): There is a reason why early marriages shifted to marriages to later years and also childbearing age increased by much.In old times, actually only 40 years ago, women did get married early but mostly they were staying at home moms. Husbands were able with only one income to support a family, not anymore. You both are VERY busy. You husband is exhausted not only physically but emotionally also. I can't imagine how you, coming home at 3 a.m. Are able to take care of 2 very small children, and in addition to this your parents. Why are you taking care of your parents? They can't be that old. Ambitions are great, working hard are great, being a firefighter is very honorable, but at what cost? Yes, you are young and capable, but there's a limit to anything. Your husband feels overwhelmed. There's a majority of 25 years olds who are having fun with their free time, lots of sex, and no kids, wives or even girlfriends. Your husband's life is very different, that's why sex for him is not that important as for people his age. It's so much on his plate. I don't know what you can do in this case, just may be wait for kids to grow up a little , him may be realizing that he is doing too much and drop his volunteering? You can't make someone to have good sex,or any sex really.
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