A
female
age
30-35,
*ovelyone2012
writes:My boyfriend of two years has a "trust problem". Every time he sees me with another guy (like a coworker) he thinks up little scenarios of what I could be doing to cheat on him. He tells me this about once a month and this last time he told me I just blew up. I'm tired of being accused of cheating on someone i love. I have told him numerous times I want to be with him for the rest of my life and he says the same he just said its not his fault that he is like this cause his dad left him and his mom when he was 7. I don't know how to feel or what to say, should I not be mad and just convince him each time be he says im cheating on him..or what should I do?
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (12 June 2011):
 he needs to get help with this jealousy issue or else it will stick with him for life ruining every relationship he ever has. you would think that the longer you are with him the more secure he should feel, but it does not work that way - in fact the longer you are with him, being accused by him, arguing about this, you having to defend your actions - he more likely he is to believe that you WILL cheat coz you are getting sick of him and his behaviour. this problem feeds itself. i do believe that his dad leaving had had a big part to play in his insecurity, and i wonder what opinions his mum has passed onto him while he has been growing up. the past is the past and he needs to get help so he can realise this. the only thing you can do which may help is to make sure you are not too flirty with other guys, and don't behave in a way that makes you look like you are being secretive. as long as you know you are not doing those things then the rest is up to your boyfriend, i think professional help will be needed. you can tell him forever that you won't cheat etc but jealousy is an irrational thing that cannot be cured by rational discussion
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A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (12 June 2011):
 Heya,I feel for you because I have been in this position - it was so bad we would go out and I could be accused of checking girls out for happening to look up or simply in the wrong direction. The important thing you have to remember is that this is *his* issue - i can see he has a complex about being abandoned but that is something he has to address but would ask if there is anything else he does to show his insecurities, or any other controlling behaviour? When it comes to what can you do, well it sounds like your already doing all you can do, provide reassurance and a bit of a shoulder sometimes. I would say he obviously needs help with the issues his past has caused so the other thing you could possibly do is persuade him to see the wisdom of seeking counselling. Other than that its down to him. Dont let this carry on indefinitely because it will wear you down if it does. Get him to seek help and support him but if he doesn't change then you may have to consider this relationship. Good luck and take care :)x
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