A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've just managed to get out of a potentially awful situation, but it's still a big worry for me so any help would be great.I got the dreaded "I like you a lot as a friend, but there's no spark between us" comment from a girl I've been crushing on for three months and who I'd gotten very close to the other night. Now, I know where I went wrong. Early on, she clearly liked me as more than a friend. She made a series of sexually suggestive flirty comments to be online, she initiated a date with me and she told me she felt awkward around me in person back then for the same reason she felt awkward about a cute guy flirting with her a while back. She liked me.And I did nothing about it. I didn't have the nerve to push it to the next level like she clearly wanted, so I was quiet and not physical or flirty in person, I never asked her on a date, never asked her out. I kept putting it off. Well, as you can guess, eventually I caved and admitted how I felt, which I did in a pretty stupid way and I know I blew what worked about me as a potential partner for her. I seemed needy, desperate for validation and all in all it is no surprise she no longer sees me as a potential boyfriend, because of the lack of chemistry I caused by not being myself with her. Also, she likes someone else now, although she's not dating. I know everything I did wrong, that's not my question here. Live and learn.Anyway. I'm about to leave the country for three months. I'll be living away from home for the first time ever, and working in another country. I fully expect to change a lot and become more confident due to it. So my question is this. Given she used to think I was hot, if I return after 3 months of being unavailable (and one big problem was how easily available I always was to her with compliments and emotional support etc., no challenge, just like a friend) and display the confident nature I'm capable of around her, do you think it's worth building up to flirting with her again (but in person, online causes too much trouble and laziness with me) given the time and change she'd see in me, or should I write her off completely? It hurts right now, but I am confident that there are other girls out there. Of course there are. But do you suppose she's a total dead end, or given I know I haven't always just been a friend in her eyes, is it worth trying to switch it around and escape the friend zone in a subtle way e.g. not with anymore confessions, but if she's responsive to me pushing it to make sure it's more than just friendship before confidently asking her out or even going in for a kiss? I know it's hard to predict. I guess I'm asking if becoming a friend to someone who used to like you due to bad habits is impossible to come back from or not. Thanks.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 Hi giving what you have wrote no I dont think that it is impossible to get back to it being flirty. But if I am honest it is probably the best thing you can do is leave for three months because it will clear your head up completely and you can come back after it and start from scratch. I am sure you have learned from your mistakes and maybe so has she therefore go away enjoy yourself and when you come back just take things a day at a time.
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