A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'm 18yrs old and I fell for a man who is 30 yrs old. He is dating his girlfriend for 6 yrs, and i was told he broke up with her two months before he started seeing me. but then i found out, he lied to me and her and everyone he knew about the situation. they were never separated, the stories he told me about her not working or that she was living with him were all untrue. He lives in New Jersey, I live in Providence. For the two months we were seeing each other, he had already spent roughly $1500 on me. He'd drive down a few hours almost every other week to come and see me. He would do what any guy who is just courting a new girl and try to get in bed with her scenario. I admit a few days after i met him, we already slept with each other. He'd take me out to fancy restaurants. When he was with me, i found him charming, funny, smart and very sweet. I found myself falling for him, however, his girlfriend who i was told was out of the picture because he supposedly dumped her, "came back" saying that she's pregnant with his child. She wanted him back or rather he was always hers to begin with. It was hard and confusing for me because all the time i thought he was single was allowed to be with someone but she is having his kid. He broke up with me, and immediately got back with his girlfriend. So i was left hurt and confused and used.of course i was angry with her but i know i shouldn't be because she was also used and lied to. whats worse is that she was pregnant the whole time he was cheating on her with me.I was cheated already and have cheated on, so i know how it is on both ends.But still, i am human after all and my initial reaction is that i HATE her and i hate him.But there are times, where i question myself. I just got out of a relationship recently before i met him too.And i didn't really give myself time to heal.I always have and end up jumping to guys after guys.I don't recall ever having any weeks or even a month being single.Im not sure if im just depressed about being lonely, or dependent on anyone that comes along.And i tend to have relationships with guys who currently have a gf or just got off a relationship.So i end up being a rebound and get used.But then i always use my body as bait for them to stay. Shortly after, I met a guy from college who had recently broke up with his ex-girlfriend. He ended up liking me. We hit things off really fast, I was vulnerable. We'd talk on the phone every night, he was incredibly sweet to me, and I was happier than ever with him. But once he had his fill of me, he immediately went back to his ex-girlfriend. It was all so sudden. I can't get over this guy now. I miss him like crazy.Then as if things couldn't be any worse, but after 4 months, the 30 yr old I was seeing before is calling me again or so i think. I say that because i get random texts from the internet or whatever device the person is using. But then again, it could be any other guy Ive gone out with.I would like to believe its him but i know in my mind its not him.Because i would see their blogs and it contains pictures of them and whatever. But a part of me still considers that he probably broke up with his girlfriend and trying to get me back into his life. I don't know. Maybe i want to believe what i don't have. Therefore I get so mad. I really HATE being used as a rebound. Sick of it. And what's worse is my heart won't settle... Right now, I have someone new in my head that gives me those jittery feelings but I'm really trying hard to force myself to believe that I'm not ready. I hate that i fall for guys so easily. But i also think its because i don't like being alone.Then I get involved in situations where its unnecessary for me to be in IF i didn't fall for these guys.What should i do?Confused and Always Being The 2nd Place Girl.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2012): I also agree with her. Noone is perfect but we all aspire to be. You are so young. You don't need to do this to yourself. You will meet more deserving individuals out there in your life. But you need to let time take its course. Respect yourself above anyone else. Let your mind and heart heal before jumping into any other relationship. Friendship is always the best solid start. I also think that chose the men that you entertain in your life. If they are in a relationship when you meet them, think about what could happen if you guys end up being together and they meet someone else?Would you have any right to get mad at the next new person? Breaking up any couple is never looked at in good terms. Also, ever heard of "what comes around , goes around" ? Believe me, I've done that. And after some time passes, it seems cliche. I even get used. The reason that opened up my eyes to stop cheating on my previous gfs was that I was used as a rebound by a woman I had strong feelings for. I felt like I had a bus run me down and tossed like a broken rag doll because she was stolen from me by another man.That woke me up from my previous mistakes. The women that I left crying and begging me for any explanation as to why I cheated and hurt them.It got back to me.I was devastated for so long.I couldn't eat, think, function for months. But then I also analyzed what Ive done in the past. That's when I decided that I need to start a new leaf. Every women I met, there was no sex within a week or a month. I made sure that we built friendship as its base and I realized that I made some wonderful friendships with them. My gf of 3 years was the result of me taking time to love myself first, heal the pain that Ive endured, and not jumping into bed automatically with any woman that I thought have any desire of me. Physical attributes fade and could be altered. But the beauty of someone's characteristic is the most important feature in anyone.I hope that one day, you will find that special someone who will treat you the way you always dreamed. I hope that you will respect yourself because you are better than what you think you are right now.Take care and Good Luck!
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (30 January 2012):
 Sigh... you present as aged 18 and currently living in the USA. The age of consent in most states is currently 18, that means your only just legal to start sexual activity.
You can't live without a man and that's your biggest problem. You get your heart broken by one man, but you don't wait and heal, instead you run and grab the first man you can find. Even now, even after being hurt yet again, you say you've got some new guy in your head to start dating.
That's a lot of men for a girl who has only been able to have legal sex for a short time. And we aren't talking years, this seems to have happened in a couple of months.
You don't pick men your own age, instead you pick an older man who has different interests, values and responsibilities to you. You knew he'd broken up 2months ago (or that's what you were told) your heart my heal fast and be better in weeks, but most people take a longer time. Of course after 6years of a relationship, it will take longer than 2months to get over his woman.
Your the rebound girl, because you make bad choices. You pick guys who are still in love with other women. You don't know what it is to be alone and single, so you either ignore lies, or make excuses or put up with men who chat crap.
All this, at 18... where will you be at 40.. how many men will you let push you around and leave you on the side?
You use your body and sex to try to trap guys... well it aint working, no woman's body is that nice. I get guys because they like my smile, my temper, because I'm clever, funny and smart. Even now, when I'm fat, old and ugly, I still get men who find me attractive... if I sleep with them they like me, if I don't sleep with them, they still like me... Men don't pull crap with me, cause I won't allow it.. and I don't date men who have just finished with their girlfriend. I want them to be fully able to love me and not sit there dreaming about someone else.
Stop dating... you don't love or value yourself, so nobody else does. Stop dating, man after man after man... that's the way to get cynical and bitter very quickly.
Make yourself into a woman of values, a woman men want to date and will wait before they mention sex. Going from man to man, picking up the rubbish that other women throw away, really isn't doing you no good, and it will only get worse.
At 18, you can be in a sex-free dating relationship, with someone nearer your age.. at least for a couple of months, wait to get to know the guy.. you didn't know anything about the last one, because as you said, after a couple of days you and him were doing sex.
You wanna be the rebound girl.. then continue as you are. If you want to be the girl who a man thinks could someday be a wife, (or at least a woman he could love and respect) you need to choose better, have sex less and work on something beyond being a sexy body, who you can use and they leave for a woman who has more to offer.
Sorry it's harsh.. but you need to learn to respect you more.
PS: Date men your own age, the last one was too old and they use young girls like you.
PPS: Man will be nice and kind to impress you to have sex with him.. it means nothing... man that puts off sex and tries to get to know you and treats you like a friend.. that's the man you keep. If they jump in bed quickly, they'll jump out just as quickly, men say plenty of nonsense for sex, wait and you'll find out if they mean what they say.
Good luck.
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