A
female
age
30-35,
*eautifulmisery
writes:Hi everyone. Lately I have been thinking about ending my two year relationship with a really amazing guy. I just feel like at this point in life he will be better off without me and could be happier. I don't want to break up with him because I love him more than anything and he has been such a huge part of my life for so long. I'm really attached to this man.I'm going through some very rough times in my life right now, and although my boyfriend has always been here for me, I feel like he doesn't deserve to have to deal with me and go through this with me. I just feel like it's not fair to him.I feel like if I end this relationship I will be extremely lonely and miserable. This guy has been like my life for two years and I'm really attached to him. I just feel like it's time to let go though. Has anyone ever ended a long term relationship? What happened after you ended it? How do you get over and deal with the loneliness and depression after? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2013): I don't think we're trying to be mean honey.. I'm a RMN and from the little you posted you sound like your suffering from depression.. Your going through a situation you don't know how to tell him about or deal with, but by doing so your going to as my mother would say ' cut of your nise to spite your pretty face' . So here my view.. Go and talk to your own doctor , they may suggest counselling or put you intouch with someone who can help you further with what's troubling you.. If your depressed they may offer you done medications or to see a psychologist who may also help .3. Do not close the door on your bf.. If you don't know how to tell him what going on etc then be honest.. Say you need a little space to sort some emotional stuff out, you don't want him to feel bogged down by your worrys and let him decide whether he wants to do that.. Do rush into doing something you may later regret.. Think carefull .. Go talk with someone your doctor .. Get advice and support that you may need..
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 April 2013):
 There's nothing insulting about suggesting therapy. I suggest therapy quite often to people, because I know it helps. I've been in therapy myself on two different occasions. Not that therapy in itself is a fix for anything, but it helps. You are still the only one who needs/can fix your problems, but you get help when you talk to someone about things. It helps to open up and share, and helps you to put things in perspective.
Therapy, or seeing a psychologists, isn't for crazy people with disorders. It's for people who struggle and have a difficult time, yet are bright enough to admit that they need some help.
You say you are going through hard times, and you feel you drag your boyfriend down. To me this sounds serious, and something that you should consider getting help with. If you can talk to someone, your doctor, or a therapist, you might not feel that you are dragging your boyfriend down any longer. You feel you push your problems on him. In therapy you can get help with dealing with problems, without pushing them on anyone. When you get help through therapy you wont need your boyfriend to carry your problems on his shoulders, and will be able to give him energy instead of taking energy. You will be happier, and he will be happier. And your entire reason for wanting to break up with him was to make him happier, correct? So, why not consider therapy as a better option? That way you can make him happy without breaking his heart and ending the relationship. And, you get to feel happier about yourself as well. It's a win-win.
Consider it. What harm will it cause you to try therapy before ending the relationship? Maybe it'll help. Don't give up trying when there are still options left.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2013): I feel that although the way SVC answered the question was uncalled for, it was on point.
Why would you want to end a perfectly good relationship with a great man just because you feel your boyfriend would be better off without you? Did he say he would be happier without you? Why are you making the decision for him?
Being in a committed relationship for two years, you should know by now that your significant other is there to not only love you, but to help you and be there for you. When you're facing a tough time, I'd think you would want someone you can talk to. Why wouldn't your boyfriend be a good choice?
Wouldn't breaking up with him make the situation you're going through, worse? You're already going through "rough times" and leaving him would make you "lonely and miserable". Hmmmm.
I honestly think you are being selfish and dramatic. You are breaking up with him without trying to talk to him, without thinking of how he feels, just because you feel he "deserves better". What if he doesn't want better because you are the best? What if breaking up with you causes him to go through "rough times" when you guys already have such a healthy relationship? Please rethink.
If anything, talk to him about your problems, see if he wants to stay. If he wants to leave, that's his choice. (Why wouldn't he stay? You've been together for two years. You've gone through many things together) Please don't make the decision for him and please don't make a decision you will regret.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (5 April 2013):
I think you're being a little dramatic here. If it was too much for him he is free to leave. But breaking up with someone because you think dating you is too much work isn't really fair to the other person, especially if you love each other.
I too would suggest some therapy and I don't mean that as an insult, I'm sure SVC didn't either.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2013): Hey Op, I dont think you should breakup with your boyfriend. He clearly loves you and your life is not always going to be this rough. If he was really unhappy then thats for him and you to sit down and discuss where your relationship is heading. Dont ruin what you have with him because of the way your life is at the moment. He sounds like a keeper.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 April 2013):
 Ok fine, so you don't want to see that breaking up with a guy YOU LOVE who loves you because you think so poorly of yourself sucks. You are assuming it's not fair to him. You are making the choice for him.
Ok here's what you do tell him exactly what you told us but first you must preface it with:
"please hear me out fully before you react. Also be aware that NOTHING you say will change my mind therefore just let me say this and get it over and done with"
"honey I love you and you are really amazing and while I don't want to break up with you I am. We have to break up because you will be much happier without me. You don't deserve me, you shouldn't have to deal with me and all my problems and go through this with me. It's not fair to you. And before you try to tell me you don't want to end it, Yes I love you and while I will be extremely lonely and miserable without you but you have been my life for two years and I am very attached to you, it's time for us to part ways."
Then you go NO CONTACT. you delete his phone number (and block it from your phone) you delete his email (and set up a rule that all his mail goes right to DELETE so you can't find it in the trash and read it) you block him on social media. When he comes to the house you don't answer the door. Snail mail is returned to sender refused.
it will take a while but you will heal.
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A
female
reader, beautifulmisery +, writes (4 April 2013):
beautifulmisery is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo_very_confused, sorry to say this but I found your answer somewhat rude. I just needed advice and opinions about ending a long term relationship and how to get over it after, as that was what my questions asked. Getting therapy has nothing at all to do with this situation and therefore I think your advice and opinions and also the way you expressed them are uncalled for... I thought this website was for getting advice on problems, not telling someone to go get help and making them feel even worse. But thanks for your time, I guess.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): Loving someone entails going through good times and bad times together.
You don't describe what it is you're going through that is so unfair for him to experience with you. He is your support and he's there for you when you can't face things alone.
You should at least give him the benefit of the doubt in all this. You have to tell him how you are feeling and explain how you feel these problems will be a strain on your relationship. In all fairness, he should let you know how HE feels your issues will affect him.
You sound noble and foolish. I'll break his heart with the assumption I'm doing him a favor. Really???
Are you ashamed to tell him what these problems are? Are they financial, drug addiction, or depression? Were you diagnosed with a degenerative disease, or do you have affections for someone else? Did you tell him a lot of lies and now you want to get out of your relationship before he finds out the truth? The latter being the usual reason.
You don't give any clues to justify breaking off your relationship. Just presumption he'll be happier if you do, and YOU feel you are undeserving.
You are most likely 18, and you're being a drama-queen. My life isn't perfect, so I'm undeserving. He doesn't deserve to suffer through my life.
How difficult can life be at your age?
Are you homeless, are you dying, are you being chased by the mob?
Do yourself a favor. Stop watching reality TV and making decisions with the potential to hurt people based on ridiculous logic. Nobody's perfect. Your boyfriend included.
He might be able to advise you and help you through this tough time in your life. You shouldn't rule out getting therapy, to help you to deal with whatever it is that makes you feel unworthy of this guy. It's not the other way around as you've indicated.
If you've made up lies and stories that you're now ashamed of. Then come clean and appreciate the fact you've found someone that has been so good to you. If you have a lot of family problems, then he can be the best distraction you'll ever have. Let him decide if it's more than he can handle.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 April 2013):
you want to end it because you think he will be happier without you?
have you asked HIM how he feels about this.
breaking up with him will require you to give him a reason.
I doubt "i'm leaving you so you can be happier" is going to sit well with him unless he wants out of the relationship.
YOU love him (so you say) and you don't WANT to break up with him and yet you are asking how to?
Are you in therapy to work on your self-esteem and other issues? IF not I strongly suggest you get into some therapy ASAP and talk to the therapist about your idea of breaking up a perfectly fine relationship where the man is loving and supportive and you love him but want to end it so he can be happy.
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