A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'm in an awkward position. I'm the third person in a relationship, there's a long story behind it which I will spare you. I've come to the point where I can no longer handle it. (5 months) I love her too much to function properly when he's with her. (like today, he's sleeping over, I haven't slept in 48 hours) So I've come to a decision, I want her, if that takes taking her from him then so be it. I know this sounds very immoral, and it may be just that... But my mind is set. She loves me and him both evenly and cannot/will not choose, leaving it to me or him to give up at some point. My question to you. How can I let him know she's cheating on him, without him knowing it was me? He uses facebook, msn, doesn't read his mail and I have his cellnumber. If this question is too morally questionable for you, please refrain from answering. I'm adamant in this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): You have to make HER choose.
If her boyfriend left her for whatever reason, not because she left him, she will still never be 100% yours she will still be pining for him because as you say, she loves him too not just you.
Do you want her boyfriend to leave her, then you technically have her all to yourself but when she's with you she's still thinking about him or plotting to try and get him back since she's not the one who gave him up?? is this what you want?
Or what if you let her boyfriend know that she's been cheating on him and he leaves her. Don't you think she will hate you for this again because it wasn't her choice and she still wants him?
Do you not see that she is being very unfair to you?? And to her boyfriend too (but since you're the one writing in I'm thinking more for you)
Either you move on from her for your own psychological health, or you should give her an ultimatum to make her choose. But if you give her an ultimatum you have to be prepared to walk away from her if she ends up choosing him.
either that or you could try to "out charm" her boyfriend to make yourself better than him in her eyes then maybe she will choose you if you then tell her how much it hurts you that she's still seeing him. but this is not guaranteed to work by any means and if it doesn't it will just make you feel even worse about yourself.
A
female
reader, Jeana_B  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 Hi,I feel your pain and would suggest talking to her first, find out if she really wants to be with you if she breaks up with this other guy first before you cause problems for him and could possibly backfire..let her prove how much she loves you..because she could be just telling you anything to avoid hurting your feelings because she knows how much you like her and would do just about anything..hate to say it but some women love this type of attention...and she is looking very desirable because you can't have her the way you want..we want what we want when we want it or always want what isn't the best for us..so on that note..you should have a serious heart to heart talk with her in person and try reading her emotions..most importantly follow your gut feeling after that convo..good luck!
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (16 January 2011):
 Okay well FIRST...you need to get some sleep! You can't think clearly or make any decisions in this state of mind.
Second, you need to sit her down and tell her how you feel and that she has to make up her mind.
Third, if she doesn't chose you, walk away knowing that you have self-respect and want to be in a healthy relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): I'm not concerned by your morals or lack thereof. The better question is why you are so desperate to be with someone who doesn't care about you enough to make a decision one way or the other. Trust me, if she will cheat on him with you then one day she'll cheat on you with someone else. Finding a girl who wants you and you ONLY will, in the long run, be well worth the short-term heartache of forgetting about this one. Good luck
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