A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Back in high school, my boyfriend was the quintessential nerdy fat kid whereas I was the shy punk chick. Now a days, he is still a bigger fellow compared to my still smaller physique. He's 6'1" and 250 lbs whereas I'm 5'3" and 115 lbs. But he is the SWEETEST guy I've ever been lucky enough to have in my life. Basically, where you get those ultra cliched "best friend turned lover" stories, that was us for about 10 years... and then I finally opened my eyes and we crossed that line. We've been together since the end of June 2010 and I have never regretted it since. I'm very happy and we do see us being together 50 years down the line.Trouble is, he IS a bigger fellow. Now, don't get me wrong, I do like my men with meat on their bones (never dated a guy lighter than 200 lbs) and I'll be honest, I'm not really sure why I'm so intrigued by men like that. I just am and it's only steered me wrong once. But that's an entirely different story. ANYWAY... The trouble with men with the extra poundage is that their libidos are almost grounded whereas mine is like "fuck me every day at least twice a day". I know it has almost everything to do with our physiques but it honestly leaves me dissatisfied... a lot.But I've always been the understanding girlfriend. 99% of the time when I tell him he needs to try harder at sex, I'm just messing around with him because I always have that smile on my face when I know it's done but I still want more. The other 1% is me either being silent and just going to sleep or "lashing out" by saying, 'Wow really?' with an exasperated sigh. Of course, he feels bad about it but he can't help it. His heart goes a little too fast and I certainly don't want him to have a heart attack at age 21 because I was pushing him too hard for sex.Another problem is that I can get horny VERY easily; I get that feeling between my legs and my heart and head go haywire... but rarely will I actually get wet. And it's hard for my boyfriend to get hard and stay hard, too. It's so fucking annoying! What's worse is that as teens, I never masturbated. Ever. And he fapped (from what he's told me) at least twice a day since he was like four. And I find it pathetic that when we do our New Year's trip to Chicago this weekend, we'll be using that time to get drunk and have the loud, wild sex that we both want but can never get because I live in a room above my parents with the most frustratingly loud bed in America.And honestly, I'm kind of afraid of the "getting drunk" part because my boyfriend gets 'whiskey dick'. Which I've come to realize... sucks major ass. Gah! All of this is sounding like one long bitch rant about something that does, in fact, matter. I just don't know what to do! I love my boyfriend to death and I would do anything for him and I know he feels the same way. Just... our sex life kind of, really sucks. And because I'm the bread winner in the relationship (I make a lot more than he does), I figured he should be good at SOMETHING.What should I do???
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drunk, horny, libido, sex life, shy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (29 December 2011):
 Exercise.. 30 min cardio 3 times a week 140-150 target heart rate reasonable for your bf's size along with 30 min resistance training preferably high reps with all exercises he chooses... to get that blood circulating more and energy level up.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2011):
First, I am not really sure what your question is. What is it?
Second, I am a larger guy and I can go three times per day and my 5'2" 110 girlfriend isn't interested. So I think whatever is going on sexually between you two has nothing to do with your respective physiques.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 December 2011):
 Ok this is not so much about his size as his physical shape. I’ve always had larger guys weight wise and most of them did just fine….
If you are not satisfied with just intercourse why isn’t he stepping up the foreplay and oral sex. My last husband had major issues with intercourse due to our respective sizes and he was magical at oral sex.
My current partner… has ED issues but we have a great love life… not necessarily sex but love… I easily take care of my orgasm needs on my own daily or more and get the love cuddles and affection from him for the rest….
What about you being on top? Or doggy style… keep him off his arms for intercourse and that will help….
I also agree with lovelessAct that you do sound a bit over the top in terms of how you feel about him.
I make 25k more than my partner. I’m 13 years older than him and I own the home we live in… and YET trust me it’s ALL OURS.. not my money vs his… but OURS… we are a TEAM… are you and your BF a team or is it MINE vs YOURS. Because that will translate over food, money and sex… not good…
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (27 December 2011):
 You do have a right to expect good sex, regardless of who's the breadwinner in the house. If you accept that this is linked to the weight difference though, have you guys tried to find a way to improve your young man's ticker? One of my lovers is about the same height and used to be the same weight as your man and is about 35 years older (assuming he's your age). Similar sort of problem with him for a bit until he managed to cut his weight down to about 220lbs. Since then he's been much better able to get his pecker performing, and while he doesn't worry about leaving me unsatisfied since I haven't been monogamous in, like, forever, I know it pleases him to know he's been able to give me pleasure.
What I'm saying is, without a drastic change in the weight a noticeable improvement in sex life should be feasible.
Oh, and don't ever regret a good rant. Gets it out of the system.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (27 December 2011):
Maybe I'm being blunt, but the way you talk to him and talk about him is quite startling. You say that you care about him and that he's the sweetest guy, yet its obvious you have a lot of disgust for him over something he can't really control.Hate to break it to you, but most guys suck in bed. A lot of people may talk a big game, but when it comes down to it, a very small percentage of women actually orgasm during intercourse, and even the majority of those need a lot of foreplay to get to that point.Your last statement is really spiteful as well, claiming that he's not good for anything just because you make more than he does. Surely he means more to you than sex and money? At least I'd hope so, because if not, you really need to rationalize your priorities.I'm not saying sex isn't important; it really is and it brings a couple together in an amazing way. However, if you want a relationship based solely on sex and nothing else, you're going to live a long life alone.Sorry, if I'm being harsh, but this is my honest opinion; reanalyze the reasons you're actually with this guy.
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