A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really need a kick start here in terms of my non-existant social life. Basically...I have always been shy, its just in my nature, but have made a few good, close friends. But now we're at the stage where everyone wants to go out and party. I'd love to, but, the thing is, I'm absolutly terrified.I go to an all girls school, so have hardly had much contact with guys and am scared stiff about what to say and really how to talk to them when they like you. So what I really want is just some advise on how to combat the fear and strike up interesting conversations that guys will like me for, instead of thinking theres nothing to me. Thanks.
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female
reader, Abrasive_Reality  +, writes (2 January 2009):
This is the best time for you to get to know yourself! Yes, you may feel you are a little socially challenged, which is fine and it can be used to your advantage.
I was in your same situation once upon a time and now its a piece of cake! The most important thing to remember is to be YOU and stay true to you and who you are. Don't lose yourself and try to be something you are not. For example, if you don't like sports and the guy you are talking to does, don't act like you do, because he will either sense it right away or drag you to a million sporting events, and what's fun about that?
So, how to start a conversation..... Well, personally I like the female forward approach, meaning you have no problem approaching the guy first, it shows you are comfortable enough with yourself and don't care what others think, sure you may be insecure and uncomfortable with the idea, but it will really get you used to talking to a guy, being assertive is the best way. Besides you don't want a guy to always talk down to you right?
You have a mind of your own, and its important to make sure you use it.
Common approaches may be.... "What school do you go to?" "What's your favorite class?" ..... you want to make sure you ask a question that he cannot answer "yes," or "no," to, that will be your sure way of getting an actual response, AND make sure you have other questions or conversations to back up your approach question, you don't want to ask what school he went to, and then ask him what his favorite movie is.... its gotta flow.
But also, don't think too much into, just let it happen and go with it.
Fear is a hard thing to overcome, but the first time you are assertive about something, the easier it will be the next time.
Sooo maybe the guy totally shuts you down and doesn't seem interested in talking to you at all, that's fine, don't sweat it, its important to know there are a million other guys out there for you to talk to, and yeah you will probably be upset, but don't show it if you are.
You should go out with intentions to have fun, not with the dead set idea that you are going to meet a guy and chat him up, because that could just be setting your night up for doom. If you do this, you will turn into a good friend of mine, she is constantly on the prowl, and if she doesn't find a guy that evening, her evening is shot.... not the best approach to a good time.
Meeting people and guys is supposed to be fun and entertaining, not something to stress over and panic about. It just happens, remain calm, collective and cool. It shouldn't be a problem.
And always remember to just be you. There is no better approach then just staying true to your values.
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