A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:my self worth is so lowI am 18 years old and I have never been in a “relationship”i’ve never had anyone reciprocate love to me…I always give myself and my emotions to people but never get anything in returnno one has ever gone out there way to do something nice for me or show that they care about me…its usually what can I do for them to make them feel goodi’m so damaged and insecure that its going to fuck up and ruin a potential something with someone that I think may actually care about me…maybe in my mind my perception of “love” is totally fucked up and isn’t what love is like at all…maybe i’ve never even been in lovein my mind if someone was crazy enough to be interested in me I would first of all, not believe themthen I would constantly second guess it and just assume they’re either waiting for something better to come along or just desperatebeing a closeted homosexual doesn't make this any easieri’m terrified of getting my heart broken and it’s pushing everything I want away. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses. Both of you made great points relevent to me. And So_Very_Confused you're definitely right. My parents have always been over protective and overbearing so I've been deprived of doing things most kids/teenagers get to do. I've never had all that freedom.I'm not really living, I'm just alive. Although it has never been great, the last 6-7 years have been the worst. I've been in a depressive slump all through out. I've been dealing with personal issues and I just feel trapped living with my parents, they'll never understand me, they're incapable of such a thing. They're foreign so they don't grasp or want to grasp american culture or this day and age. They're stuck on their time and their cultures and ideals. And they're religious so you how that goes. They're very hard headed, especially my father but they work in pairs...they've made it very clear time and time again that they hate homosexuals and that it's a "sin" to be one. They think that people choose to be gay and they have these radical ideas that just makes me want to explode. Like my mother saying that it's a disease or my father saying that people are gay because other people "train" them to be and if he had the power he'd basically annihilate all of them. This is coming from the mouths of "Christians." We've had countless arguments from me trying to defend homosexuals which includes myself. I have no problem being out, I've always told myself I'd be myself in college...but I'll never be the one to tell my parents. I'd rather them find out on their own. We were never close anyway and there's no getting through to them so there's no point. We don't live in a bible belt i don't think, it's florida...but that's just how they are. I just wanna get as far away as possible and have my freedom and independence...we can be somewhat of a family from afar because I don't want anything to do with to be honest. might sound harsh but that's how it is
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 February 2013):
 My self-worth is so low
I’ve never had anyone reciprocate love to me
No one has ever gone out of there (sic) way to do something nice for me or show that they care for me
I’m so damaged and insecure
LOOK UP AT WHAT YOU WROTE…. Look at the words you put down to describe yourself… look at your self hatred.
Dear OP,
Wow you are so hard on yourself and you are hurting so badly.
You are 18 and are you living in a part of the country that is bible belt like? Why are you closeted? Are you ashamed of being gay? Are you afraid your parents will disown you?
You are so scared of living….. what should you do?
BREATHE… listen to the song “standing outside the fire” (life is not tried it is merely survived if you’re standing outside the fire) and learn that you have to take risks and get burned now and then to actually experience life… coasting through life being afraid forever is not living, it’s surviving… and it’s not healthy.
I strongly think that some professional counseling to work through your self-loathing is crucial. I also question why you feel the need to be closeted in this day and age (but I live on the east coast and being gay around here is much more acceptable)
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (13 February 2013):
 I think you are really over thinking things and need to relax a bit!
First of all, if you have never been in a relationship then you have never been in love - it is not possibleto truly love someone if you have never been in a real relationship with that person. Love comes from knowing someone inside out, being intimate with them, loving their flaws and most importantly - knowing that they love you too. When you love someone and they love you back the relationship changes, your feelings intensify as you feel safe and secure with that person.
So hopefully that answers one question - it sounds very much like you havent ever been in love!
Love isnt about doing as many nice things for another person as possible, love should be simple where spending time together, just being in each other's company is enough to keep you happy.
Now I think you should put all these ideas about love to one side. You dont know what love is until you are in a committed relationship, so stop worrying about it at the moment - when you do meet someone then you can worry about love, but not yet!
You are single, so enjoy it. Go out with your friends, dont be afraid to talk to new people and get out there a bit more. Dont take anything too seriously, and dont expect something serious to develop with anyone you speak to. Dating and chatting are a normal part of the process, you dont have to expect the first date you go on to turn into love right away. That person might not be right for you, and you move on.
And maybe you should start thinking about coming out rather than hiding it. That wont help you confidence at all, you are hiding a huge part of who you are and you shouldnt be ashamed of it - I actually think when you do come out your self-esteem will vastly improve and you will feel free to go out and express yourself.
I know it is a hard thing to do, and it will be very scary - but your parents will love you no matter what, you are their child and they will never disown you just because of something like your sexuality. Perhaps if you had murdered someone they might not want anything to do with you anymore, but being homosexual is not enough to stop parents loving their children.
I'm sure your friends will be supportive too, being homosexual is not rare these days and you are still the same person regardless of your sexual preference, your friends will see that and they will be supportive of your choice.
I'd focus on coming out first, then feeling comfortable being an openly gay man, then worry about love after that. You have a lot to sort out before you can be in a relationship, chances are there wont be many guys out there who would want to date someone who still hasnt come out, they would feel like you are ashamed of them and that is not a good feeling when you care about someone.
Most of all - relax! Love and relationships will sort themselves out in time, so try not to overthink things so much. Just be yourself, enjoy being young and single and see what happens in the future.
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