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age
41-50,
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writes: I am currently married for 3 yrs now. However, my husband and i had many issues in the beginning of our relationship when we were dating. he didnt tell me that he was still emailing his exgirlfriend because he told me she wanted to end her life so he emailed her everday in order to make her feel better. I finally broke into his email because i sensed something, my intuition is very good and my guts feeling. I confronted him and he told me yes i am emailing her because she is mentally sick and wanted to committ suicide and i wanted to help her feel better. he also told me that he hid this from me because he knew right away i wont not agree. after that he completely stopped and for the last three years have been great. I never got back at him for what he did to me and now i am starting to have a real sexual attraction to a male coworker who i think is so sweet and incredibly hot and i see him looking at me at work and than he looks away,,,its so cute. The problem is: my husband works with me and him as well, in the same department. I dont know what to do but i feel that i still have to do something to get back at my husband for the pain he put me through 3 years ago...maybe i am wrong but i feel that i really need to do this but i dont know how. Its the only way i can feel better...call me crazy but i am very attracted to him and cannot stop thinking about him....i have necver cheated on my husband but i feel like a young sexy girl around this guy at work. I lost all my weight, wear nice clothes and makeup and now i am loving the attention from the boys at work. but i dont know what to do about this hot coworker any suggestions would be great!!!
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affair, at work, cheated on my husband, co-worker, his ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, happy140  +, writes (1 July 2013):
 “I never got back at him for what he did to me and now i am starting to have a real sexual attraction to a male coworker who i think is so sweet and incredibly hot and i see him looking at me at work and than he looks away,,,its so cute.”
What’s your encore to be if he cheats on you, have sex with the football team in the front yard in front of his family and friends?
As many have already stated, he was in a tuff spot as to tell you or not about helping his ex. You, as it sounds like would have said let her kill herself, its not my problem. If you broke into his email then you have SERIOUS TRUST ISSUES. Any partner that feels they need to do that has issues, very unhealthy issues. This is the man your suppose to do the most intimate of things with and be his best friend and feel in your heart that that he would give his life to save yours and you need to get back at him because of three years ago for having a conversation to help put someone at ease so they wouldn’t hurt themselves. Really?
You think you could have sex with a coworker to get even, great, now he can have sex with someone to get even with you so you two will be even. Because you will not be having sex with your coworker without first having a conversation with him, only difference is your husband did it to be caring of another person and your doing it to have sex. Tell me which is worse, which one would you have found out your husband did?
The bitterness you have had for the past three years has taken a toll on your marriage, if you think it hasn’t you need to look back at all the times in the back of your head you told yourself “one day I will get even with him”.
Take that desire and passion you have for your coworker, put it into a fantasy if nothing else and send your husband into orbit with the best sex he ever had. You should be realizing one that you took marriage vows and two that you have a very loving and caring man as a husband. That’s something woman search for all the time and there are so few anymore. Having a friend who cared enough to talk you thru tough times, that if he spent time with her would DEFINITELY lead to sex is a great friend!
See your husband for the man he is, he is that co worker, you just don’t want to see it. He is that good looking sexy man you seek elsewhere. Don’t waste your marriage over his kindness.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 June 2013):
 So tit for tat is how you want to live your life?
If you are still not over something he did 3 years ago, maybe it's time to reevaluate the marriage and decide if it's worth working on or not. But cheating is not going to help you OR your marriage. All it will do is "drag" you down to the level of your husband's cheating in the past.
Why would you have to get back at your husband? What is that going to accomplish? You think it will make everything even? make everything right?
Stop and think. Use some common sense.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 June 2013):
 As the others have said, you are comparing apples to oranges my dear. If you have ONLY been married for 3 years and already are looking lustfully on your coworkers I suggest that perhaps your marriage is as good as dead. Get a divorce and go play with the "boys" as you referred to them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2013): Stop.....this is the moment that could define what direction your life takes and cause you huge regret. Live in the now by truly noticing and appreciating what you have.You have been carrying this act of "cheating" in your words for 3 years, you need to let it go. He was helping an ex at a desperate time, not having an affair, his crime was not to share that with you. Given your response to such a relatively minor indiscretion perhaps it is understandable that he kept it from you in the first place, not that I am justifying his secrecy, but you need to get it in perspective.You have lost weight, and are rightly feeling good about yourself, and looking for positive feedback to support your new found confidence. Losing weight can be hard work and you deserve to feel sexy and exciting again. Having an affair is not the answer. Why not concentrate on encouraging your husband to take more notice of how good you are now looking, remember the things that you did at the beginning of your relationship that made you love and lust for each other. And when tempted...think about the consequences of getting caught...not just on you, but on all those you care about. Many people do get caught, and lose everything, including respect...and it will be too late. You are on the brink of making what could be your biggest regret. Stop, before you become one of the many that ruin everything.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2013): So emailling is the same as having an affair?
Even if we forget the massive gap between what he did and what you are thinking of doing. If you can't forgive someone for what they did wrong, the relationship is over. 3 years and you can't move past it. That happens, infidelity is hard to forgive that is human.
But if you cheat on him, how will he feel? He will feel he then has to get revenge on you. Is the MAD doctrine a basis for a happy life?
Wanting to get even with your partner is NOT a way to have a good marriage.
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (29 June 2013):
I really think you need to seek therapy. What your husband did in the past really doesn't sound that bad and I think you're using it as an excuse to cheat on him. You say you broke into his email but you didn't say you found anything...it doesn't make sense to me that you want to cheat on your spouse because they hurt you over something as silly as trying to talk their ex out of killing themselves. Gosh, he sounds like a horrible person (sarcasm).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2013): You are looking for an excuse to find a new guy. Clearly you are bored with your husband and looking for an excuse to justify having an affair. You should separate and then you are free to chase all the young guys you can find. There's no problem that you enjoy guys looking at you, but so far that is all the attention you have gotten. What more is there?
In my book there is nothing wrong with someone caring a bit about an ex as long as he's open and respectful about it. He was wrong to have hidden it although its clear why he did. But him doing that is certainly doesn't give you a free ticket to start screwing any guys that turn you on.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2013): You are using "what he did to you" as an excuse to cheat. He didnt speak with her sexually or have an affair. He didnt lie ( assuming you didnt ask) he just did not tell you. It wasnt right of him, but if you reconciled no sense in bringing this up now. Dont cheat on your husband just because a good looking guy tempts you. Your logic is terribly flawed. I suggest counselling and talking about this with your husband.
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female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (29 June 2013):
 Sorry. You chose to continue the marriage and work on it, but you haven't worked on yourself. If someone breaks your trust and you chose to continue a relationship with that person, that means you accept what they did, forgive them and move on within the relationship, together. You're quietly harbouring a lot of resentment and you want revenge. You haven't dealt with this at all.
Don't have the affair. I promise it won't help. It's also unjustified. Emailing someone because you supposedly want to help them and sleeping with someone out of revenge are two very different things. If you do this you will be way worse than him.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (29 June 2013):
I don't even know where to start with this one. Your logic is so twisted. Cheating your husband with a coworker to get revenge for something that happened years ago is a horrible idea that will not make you feel better. You would (rightly) be racked with guilt if that ever happened.
Let's start with your husband and his emails. Even if he said he was emailing her because he was worried about her taking her life, he shouldn't have been. She was his ex, it was not his place and he should never have hidden it from you. If he really felt that he was doing a good, noble and necessary thing he should have been able to tell you without shame what was going on. He kept it from you because he knew he was doing something wrong. You were right to be hurt and angry.
However, you choose to
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