A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I admit to lying quite as lot to my boyfriend about being on some internet sites. That was a few months ago now. Since I stopped going to these sites, he has now stopped believing me. We break up every week, get back together and have a real loving time, and then he starts questioning me again. I am telling the truth now so how do I get him to accept that and show some faith in me for once?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2014): Once trust is lost, its almost impossible to fully regain it. Proceed accordingly.
A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (31 May 2014):
How do you make him have faith in you again? The thing is, he now knows what you are capable of, so it will be extremely difficult, if not impossible.
By the way you sound, I think he would be extremely gullible or stupid to put faith in you, because I don`t think you even care about what you have done wrong. I would not even be shocked if you have to start lying again some time in the future.
Let him go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2014): I am in the same situation. Regaining someones trust isn't easy sometimes. In my situation I tried to pinpoint the source of the problem and it's because I had been feeling lonely and he lives far away. He works a lot of overtime, has kids and I am feeling a bit insecure and maybe a little needy. But when he questioned me and he wanted the truth I didn't try to hide because that's the worst thing you can do. Getting caught is just as bad. You have to really know what you want from each other or it will never work and you have to listen to each other. He made it clear to me he doesn't want me on any sites and exchanging sexy photos with other men. He said he is not looking for anyone else and that he loves me very much which made me feel a little better.
Sometimes too we take a risk telling the truth. You may feel a bit insecure and work on your issues so that you can be a better person and you will be able to handle being in a relationship. Maybe you like the attention which is what he said to me. I didn't want to admit that but it was the truth.
He was furious that I was telling him about some new guy on the dating site once again, so you see it causes damage to your relationship. I guess too I wanted to be reassured that this man is serious about me so I wont have to go on dating sites. And pleas remember you are not a bad person,
just learn from your mistakes.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (31 May 2014):
You caused the lack of trust and now you either have to let time heal his wounds or leave. You can't substantially quicken it.
It may help to ask him how you can prove to him that you're not cheating. Tell him he's putting you on trial but he needs to have evidence before finding you guilty.
You may not agree, but the reason he doesn't trust you is because you're not a trustworthy person. A promise doesn't all of a sudden make you trustworthy. It just means you're afraid to lose him. You really need to figure out why you strayed before (insecurity, loneliness, etc) and seek help for it. Then, and only then, when you're a different person, will he fully be able to trust you.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (31 May 2014):
 Break up with him.
No one deserves to be cheated on, and your boyfriend should be free to go and be with someone who will not cheat on him.
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A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (30 May 2014):
 I have been through what you have put him through. It makes me angry because all you can think about is getting out of it scot free.
Why do some people just not try to put themselves in the same position of others, and forget about themselves for once?
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (30 May 2014):
 I did suspect as much. To be honest, I cannot give think of a better piece of advice than Tisha-1 has given to you. I hope you follow that advice.
I`m not really sure whether you will manage to salvage your relationship though.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 May 2014):
 You are 30-35 and despite being well over the age of reason seem to lack some basic self-control and respect for your partner. The tone of your post suggests that you regret more being caught than doing whatever it was on the dating sites, and losing him forever.
I expect the reason he keeps ending it but then reconnects is that he knows you haven't been fully truthful but he does enjoy having sex.
If you are on dating sites despite having a loving partner and a good relationship then the issue is with you. Work out why you took step one then step two then step three and with every deliberate act of cheating on your partner you were tearing the relationship down.
You need more help than the aunts here can give you as you don't sound all that aware of the damage you've done to your credibility and the shreds of the relationship you once had.
Perhaps you setting up counseling for yourself and following through might make a difference in his perception of you, as well as revealing why you chose to sabotage the relationship in the first place.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2014): I am the writer of the question. Yes I did play on dating sites and he found out about some. I am not going to go on them again. Losing him makes me know how much I really do love him. I am frightened he will find out even more, but if I come clean I will definitely lose him forever.
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A
female
reader, Miss Led +, writes (30 May 2014):
Until you say otherwise, I will answer you on the grounds of being caught doing something that you wouldnt want doing to you.
Your aim should not be trying to make him trust you again, but for you to be trustworthy. You have proved the exact opposite.
If he has found you to be lying, then how will he ever know if you are telling the truth or not?
I have had the same experience and I know what thoughts will be going through his mind.
I think you may as well accept that the relationship is probably doomed now.
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A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (30 May 2014):
Some internet sites? Facebook? Dearcupid maybe? I am with bronzed adonis and think you have possibly been caught on dating sites.
I had a long relationship with someone who could not/would not stop going on them. He lied about it over and over again, and just like your long suffering boyfriend, I too lost all faith.
I am so glad it is all in the past now.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 May 2014):
If you were on sites that were about how to cook meat when you are a committed vegetarian, that's one kind of site.
If you were on sites that are about how to hook up with random freaks for kinky sex, that's another kind of site.
What kind of sites were you on?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2014): you are talking in code. you mean you got caught out and now he doesn't trust you.
end it because his trust is destroyed. it's all going down hill from here. don't lie to people. if you do then you run the risk of losing them or turning a good relationship into a bad one.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (30 May 2014):
When you say you lied about being on some internet sites, which and what type of internet sites? If you are purposely avoiding the word "dating", then that paints a totally different picture.
If it was (as I suspect), dating sites, and you have lied and lied again, then that is why he has no faith in you.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (30 May 2014):
This sounds like friends with benefits deal to me.
How do you consider breaking up every week a relationship? Then you get back together for what seems like sex and a good time, and then it starts all over again…Very interesting.
I don't think he plans to believe you, not if he is getting sex after every break up. And if you stop having sex with him, he just calls the whole thing off and blame it on your lies...either way...he wins.
I would end things, but hey, that's just me.
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