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*ammycollett
writes: Am I ruining my relationship with suspicion?I'm 34 my boyfriend is 33. (We will call him K) We have been together for almost five years. I have been married twice before. Both of them were liars and cheaters. One had a child with my own sister. He was married one time. I was friends with his ex-wife first. He lived in his own place but was kind of still seeing her, I guess for a booty call as she put it. We had a threesome one night and after that we just started seeing each other from then on out. He said he never really loved her anyway, he was just there for there one child. He got her pregnant the first time they had sex. K pumps gas as an additional job. At this job of course there is girls that work there and such. When he first started there, there was this particular girl that I kept getting weird vibes from when he was around her. I have to pick him up from work so every time I pulled in he was still in the store part talking to her, it upset me. Not that he was talking to her, but the vibes I felt. I questioned him about, why he is always around talking to her and stuff. And told him the vibes I got, he said "no way-(meaning about her), dear I love you". He also said "I would never do that to you". So after time went on about a month or so, he started talking about how she is a narc and stuff like that. Well the vibes started to go away and he wasn't hanging around her much any more either. I didn't worry any more. Now this other girl (we will call her M)She started working there. She was real nice to me and K. Me and her became friends I thought. Every time I would go there to drop him off or pick him up, she would rush right over to talk to me. She even invited me to her wedding. I didn't go. She just got married, but her husband of only 4 months and only has known him for 8 months is always sick and ending up in the hospital. He has something wrong with his stomach. I would say we have know each other for several months now. But we never see each other then when she is working and I go to K's work. She is always working when K is working. I had to go on a trip to another state. I waited at K's work until I had to leave so everyone new I was leaving. I was gone 4 days. I left saturday, got back tuesday night. It took me 9 hours to drive there. I didn't get there until sunday early the next morning about 2:00am. I called to let him know I made it. He never answered the phone. I screamed on the answering machine, which is in our room, for him to answer the phone, he didn't. He called me the next morning about 9:00am. I asked him why he didn't answer the phone he said cause he was sleeping. What if something would have happened? That made me upset. So the same thing happened the next night I wasn't able to call him until late, he didn't answer the phone. Again I screamed into the answering machine, nothing. He said he was sleeping, he is to use to hearing the phone ring and will sleep through it. I don't think so! When I got back I really didn't pay any attention to how close M and K got until a couple of weeks ago. I had to go pick K up from work but, I was running late I had my sister in the car and her groceries. I had to drop her and them off before I could get him. So I stopped by his work to tell him, I would be right back after doing that. M jumped right in to the conversation and said she would give K a ride home, "her words" hubby's in the hospital but he can wait. He accepted the ride. So I pulled off and told my sister, I felt something weird between those two, she said so did I. So we started talking about how he didn't answer the phone and such that night I was gone, she went with me. My sister is a HUGE flirt and such with guys. She said if anyone knows I do and I know when a chick likes a guy and she likes K. I got kind a upset about him hitching a ride with her since he would have only waited 10 min. or so for me. So after that the next time I went to his work M didn't even talk to me she only waved shortly and went on. I asked him why she didn't talk to me he said I don't know. After that a couple of nights went on. I started having these dreams that M and K where having sex. Two nights in a row exact dreams. I told K about the dreams I was having he said should I tell her I said "no way". But he did. I asked him why he told her he said "I don't know". We got into a big fight, He got mad said he was tired of hearing about M for the last couple of weeks, He loves me, he would never do that to me. I asked him what she said when he told her of the dreams, she supposably said No f***in way. Then he asked me if the dreams went away. We went to a party the next night and I was still angry because of all this. And I just don't think everything fits. We got into another fight I asked him again why he told her about the dreams he said this time, because he thought it was funny. But now the next day I went to get gas at his work she was working. I had to pick up his check. She barely said two words to me, she couldn't look in my eyes, she didn't ask me about the dreams. She changed her hair. She wears it up in a pony all the time, today it was down and curly. When she brought his check to me she made fun of his middle name. He even told me the coworker guys asked him if there was something going on between him and her. He said, he told them he wouldn't do that to me. I don't know what to think, I'm frustrated. Is there something going on?Did something happen, when I was gone? Will I ever find out the truth? It has been about a week since all this has been going on. Today she is working the same hours he is. He really made sure he looked good today before going to work. He shaved, asked me how it looked and said he couldn't wear his rings because his fingers are swollen? Help?
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booty call, co-worker, ex-wife, flirt, his ex, I love you, liar, threesome, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2005): If there is one thing I know, it is to trust your intuition. I was married for five years and my husband cheated on me multiple times. When he was cheating I knew he was cheating, when he wasn't I knew he wasn't if that makes any sense. Even if you have no proof you shouldn't feel that way. There shouldn't be a doubt in your mind that the man that you are with wants you, loves and needs you. Not just telling you really making you feel loved. I know how bad it feels to have your trust tested and ripped apart but when you are with the right person you will spend the rest of your life trying to make him feel as wanted and loved as he makes you feel. I never knew that until a year ago. You shouldn't be with him because you think he is cheating on you, you shouldn't be with him because you don't know with out a shadow of a doubt that he loves you. If you say "but he does love me", you wouldn't be asking us for advise you would trust him you would know that there is no way that he is cheating on you and there is no way he ever ever would even think about it. I'm sorry that you have had to go through this but you will now know that you deserve better. DON"T SETTLE!!!! Please let me know what happened. I saw after I wrote all of this that it was a while ago that all this happened. Just know that no matter what your worth more then an untrust worthy man.
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reader, Your big sis +, writes (6 June 2005):
 Yup, he's cheating. I'm confused...you hooked up with K because you two got off on the right foot because you had a threesome with him??? Darlin', how can you expect him to be faithful when you have already proved that this type of behavior is acceptable to you? Maybe he's preparing M for the big threesome in the near future. How can you criticize his behavior when yours is questionable? If you want someone who is honest and honorable, you have to prove that you are also. Oh dear, I don't know where to begin. I think you have enough clues to figure out what's going on here. You just don't want to believe it for yourself. Need that little extra push? Here you go, HE IS CHEATING. Now, you will have to figure out what steps you need to take next.
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