A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:ok - my partner says he is fed up of my jealousy and suspicious mind and needs time to think about what he wants now.He says he is fed up of me checking up on him all the time (which I don't- but I do try to ring him occasionally when he is out - although he never answers! and never rings me back)He has told me he is going to go off tomorrow to think about things.....He says he loves me then he says he can't stand being with me and wants me to move out for a while. The thing is, he said all this 6 months ago when he was having a fling with another woman. (except he was fed up of my constant nagging about problems at work then).He also kept going off to think about things....He is adamant he isn;t seeing anyone else this time.I'm almost certain he is, as I caught him texting his work colleague late last saturday night, called me her name whilst drunk, and i have just found a pair of her earings in his toiletry bag after they (and 3 others) worked away for 4 weeks.He says why would she see him? She is young and very pretty and he is alot older and overweight, yet very confident.I love him and want us to stay together, but I am feeling very insecure (as he has said he is bad for me and I need someone better). He says i need to be confident and positive and happy, not depressed.He keeps going for drives out and is always texting "his mate/son/ etc..."thanks
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female
reader, Darlie  +, writes (2 January 2011):
Hey, here's my question: WHY would you want a guy who has already cheated and is more than likely doing it again.
I smell a rat, and no wonder you're checking up on him!! I would be, but first time I ever found proof I'd be gone.
There's nothing worse than feeling like a doormat in the end, when you've done all you can do to keep him. If he wont stay, then let him GO.
All you're doing is teaching him how to treat you by putting up with this "i love you, go away" treatment, which is a plain old lie.
What he really means is : I want to have my cake and eat it too, and right now you're just vanilla to me and I wanna try another flavor sample...but still want my vanilla to be waiting on me if I dont like it.
Dump HIM and if he doesnt come back apologizing for that behavior, then you're doing yourself a big favor.
Look, there's no point in wasting time loving a guy who will not return it. Then, its just dead and empty and too sad to deal with, so go find someone to just run around with to get him off your mind, and let him GO.
You may be surprised what will happen if you change the way you deal with his bs---and he may have to change up his patterns to figure out why you walked away so easily.
Stop calling, stop texting, stop thinking about someone who does not do that for you.
It takes guts, but you'll find out what is really true about the man.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you again for your help.
It is a difficult time for me as I went through the same about 5 months ago.
This woman who he works with (if it is this woman) lives 18 miles away, so watching her house isn't an option.
I made a record of his car mileage before he went off today, so I should have an indication of how far he has travelled to do whatever he is doing.
The mortgage is almost as large as the price of the house now, so i wouldn't really get that much - not what i put in, although he does say he will see me right and give me quite alot more..but i have to respect him and not show him up....thank you once again
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (6 May 2007):
 If this relationship falls through and you have bought a house together then YOU are entitled to half of the money from that house so don't let him bully you into thinking anything less. Stand up for yourself with him. Why don't you call his bluff and tell him you're going to your parents house for a few days, that way you can keep watch on HER house (preferably with a friend) and watch her movements. See if HE goes over there or if she leaves to go to him.
You really need to decide if he's worth all this turmoil. If you think he IS then you need to find out for sure if he's cheating. I think he is but that's just my opinion. The fact he's not intimate with you and the fact he's leaving "for space" as he puts it, is only an excuse to see her. His phone being blocked and him keeping it on him all the time confirms it. Where is he going for this "space?" Did he tell you?
Tell him respect needs to be EARNED!!! Look at the facts here 1. He goes abroad with 3 other women colleagues, 2. He calls one of their names while drunk. 3. Keeps his phone with him at all times. 4. Disappears for a day telling you he needs "space", 5. Hasn't been intimate with you in agesand most importantly... 6. He's cheated before! Is it any wonder you're suspicious???
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your thoughts.
I can't check his phone as he either has it on him or it is blocked by the PIN.
He isn't intimate with me as he says its not appropriate at the moment and he is going off today and will be back tomorrow lunch time. He says he needs time to think and as i wont move out thats whathe has to do.
The earrings are his work colleague's - he and 4 others (3 women) have just been on a 4 week work trip abroad.
He always says he wont see a work colleague as he is professional - but he does text her and in a drunken state, called me her name!
I doubt i could follow him either as his car is very fast and mine isn't. but i know where she lives......see i sound like a stalker !!
He says he can't put up with my uncontrolable jealousy, although i forgave him for his past fling...
I feel he is calling all the shots as i sold my house to buy one together and unless i am respectful to him he will make sure i get nothing.
So, he can go off overnight, call me paranoid, nut case, then tell me he loves me, but needs to decide what he wants.
When i tell him just to help me get back on my feet again and that we are through, he seems to ignore it and take control by saying "we may work out and if not you will be fine"
My head is done in
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (6 May 2007):
Hmmmm it is very possible that he's cheating on you again, especially if you seen earrings in his toilet bag. So who's earrings were they? Did he say? No wonder you're feeling insecure.
If I were you, the next time he goes for a drive then follow him. Check the mileage out in his car unbeknowns to him then ask him where he went. He might just say "down the road" when the mileage says 50 miles, so do your OWN detective work. When he comes back, does he go for a shower straight away? Next time he comes in after a "drive" go up and give him a kiss. He'll think you've missed him but you're checking to see if you can smell a "woman". Perfume is a dead giveaway!
Try and check his phone too when you can. Look at his call register and take down any numbers that you might see as suspicious. Check his incoming calls too to see if there is a pattern and any one number keeps coming up. Are you both still intimate on a regular basis or is this less frequent with him and he comes up with excuses all the time for NOT doing it? Is he still as chatty with you or is this less too? All of this are signs that he's probably cheating on you.
It might be of course that he's not, and if so then ask him to let you see his phone if he's nothing to hide. If he does then great but if he always has it locked or takes it with him wherever he goes then again, that's a dead giveaway.
Eve
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (6 May 2007):
Hmmmm it is very possible that he's cheating on you again, especially if you seen earrings in his toilet bag. So who's earrings were they? Did he say? No wonder you're feeling insecure.
If I were you, the next time he goes for a drive then follow him. Check the mileage out in his car unbeknowns to him then ask him where he went. He might just say "down the road" when the mileage says 50 miles, so do your OWN detective work. When he comes back, does he go for a shower straight away? Next time he comes in after a "drive" go up and give him a kiss. He'll think you've missed him but you're checking to see if you can smell a "woman". Perfume is a dead giveaway!
Try and check his phone too when you can. Look at his call register and take down any numbers that you might see as suspicious. Check his incoming calls too to see if there is a pattern and any one number keeps coming up. Are you both still intimate on a regular basis or is this less frequent with him and he comes up with excuses all the time for NOT doing it? Is he still as chatty with you or is this less too? All of this are signs that he's probably cheating on you.
It might be of course that he's not, and if so then ask him to let you see his phone if he's nothing to hide. If he does then great but if he always has it locked or takes it with him wherever he goes then again, that's a dead giveaway.
Eve
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