A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I recently saw some emails from my husband'sreceptionist and he was calling her by her nickname.She had been sending him jokey photographs and shewas bribing him to get work signed by giving himcake. I asked him why he flirted with her but hesaid this wasn't flirting. How do I stop gettingjealous. He's never worked with female staff beforeand I find this difficult to handle now after thirtyyears of never being suspicious. Does anyone haveany advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): I too find it very unusual that he has gone 30 years without ever working with female coworkers. My wife and I have always worked in mixed company.
You say he calls her by her nickname. What is her nickname? Something like Patti instead of Patricia or Ms. Conway. Or something like Sweety? I have always used nicknames when talking to coworkers, male of female. That is the normal thing to do. The workplace is no longer formal. Secretaries call their bosses by their first name. They even call the president of small companies by their first names at some companies.
Then the jokey photos. People at work sometimes or often send jokes or joking photos around. So what. That is normal. One woman who I used to work with would get dirty jokes from her son's military buddies and she would send them to some of the guys and women who she knew well.
Now to the cake. There was this secretary where I once worked who would promise the guys cookies if we would just get reports to her on time. It's a bribe. She made great cookies.
None of this is flirting and what is the harm in friendly flirting, like telling some woman who you know well something like, "Don't you look great today." It makes her feel good. My wife used to be sort of flirty at work and so was I to a lesser extent. One woman who I used to work with would touch me on the arm sometimes. We never even hinted at anything inappropriate. I respected her way too much to want to try anything. She was beautiful and intelligent and a good friend.
This is life. Why ruin a perfectly good 30 year marriage by all of a sudden being suspicious of a husband who has never cheated on you? You are just going to cause yourself undue concern and make life difficult for him. There is nothing unusual at all about any of the things that you have said go on at his work place.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): Most men have women in their workplace. Fact. The only thing that surprises me about your post is that your husband has gone 30 years and never worked with a female. Well, that and the fact that he has evidently been faithful to you for 30 years since he never gave you reason to be "suspicious"...yet after 30 years of fidelity you still don't trust him it seems!
Either way, he is working with a woman now, and you have to get used to it. It's that simple. Have you ever heard the expression "You'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar?" I think it applies here. What do you want him to do, be hateful and unfriendly to this woman because she isn't you? That's not going to help either of them get work done.
Whatever you do, don't go snooping through his phone or e-mail. It is creepy and clingy and when you scare him away with that, you will have only yourself to blame. Stop reading his e-mails, unless he prints them out for you to read (and that I doubt.) Accessing his e-mail without his knowledge and is invasion of privacy, which is a CRIME in many countries. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): yes, be super observant and watch for any tell tale signs. his "possession" over his cell and emails etc.
maybe he is just a good natured boss or he has woken up later than the average man and is enjoying the female attention.
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A
female
reader, Rihannax  +, writes (2 June 2009):
 i understand completly, anyone would too.
He is flirting, but maybe he doesnt know he is because theres nothing there, maybe he dont like her in that way so that makes him flirt but e dont know his doing it.
go on your emails, or facebook, or bebo or anything like that that you may have and flirt with men, see how he likes it, see what he thinks is flirting then you'll both understand how far to go
x
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A
female
reader, Gabbrielle1221 +, writes (2 June 2009):
 I feel that the relationship yuo have is quite strong. I dont really see what he has done as flirting unless this continually gets worse. The photos are a bit suspicious but you were vague with what kinda fotos. Dont let this ruin your relationship. Jealousy is the last thing that should be coming in between a loving couple because it never gets resolved. So before it gets to extreme, ask him whats goin on, communicate that is the only way to a healthy marriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): maybe you need to spend more time with him, maybe even sit down and have a chat say to him do you love me, and if he replies yes of course (which all men do) then say okay can we spend more time together, go out with your friends more often. dont spy on him coz if he isnt flirting with her then he will be dissapointed in you which you dont want. this isnt easy as im not there i dont know him and wat he is like, but try this and then if it doesnt work i dont know wat else to try :D hope i helped x
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