A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I have been having problems with my boyfriend lately. I'm supposed to be going on holiday with him and his mum tomorrow, but i dont want to go. he said " you're dead if you dont come " because his mum paid for the rooms. We only have to take spending money for food and drink, e.t.c. The holiday was first arranged a couple of weeks ago, but lately, i've been feeling like i dont want to be with my boyfriend at all. I even said that, if i have to go, we're just gonna see how it goes and then i'll decide whether i still want to be with him or not. He lied to me this week saying that he never told this girl that he fancied her ( it was ages ago when he liked her, and i have proof that he told her at the time, as i saw a message that he sent to her. i havent told him that i've seen the message though ) and he said it was my fault anyway that they hung out together, as we werent together at the time. i can understand it when we arent together, but what i dont like is him lying to me. he very often swears at me when he is angry too. It was his mum who offered for us both to go with her. Normally, he cant go out to many places, as he doesnt have much money. He doesnt have a job because he has back problems. I dont have a job either, but i can save my money up well because i live with my family, and dont have any kids e.t.c so i dont have many things to pay for usually. he has his own place though, so he has to pay the bills.I have a feeling that i will be in a mood all week and i wouldnt want his mum to see that. but at the same time, they wont let me back out of going either. i've even been nervous because i dont know his mum very well, although, he did say that she would leave us alone and let us do our own thing, and we'd mainly see her on the train and in the place we're staying in. What should i do ?.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): he also threatened to finish with me if i didnt go, but then, he finishes with me a lot, so thats nothing new. he even finishes with me even if we just have an arguement.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): Basically it sounds like you want to break up with him. As for the holiday, if you don't want to go then don't go. He shouldn't be threatening you and his mother would probably be happy to spend time with him alone anyway.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): Hi.actually, she had only paid for a room for herself at first, but paid extra for our room.although he did say that it didnt cost much more. and when i told him i didnt want to go he said " that will make me look like a right t*t infront of my mum ". so that sounds to me like he only wants me to go so he wont feel embarrassed infront of her, especially with him threatening me too. unfortunately, its the early hours of the morning here now, and we are leaving later this morning, so i cant back out of it now. i'll try to act happy infront of his mum . we are going for five days, so, if things dont go well, it will seem like a long week !.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (21 June 2010):
 I'd say don't go. His Mum paid for a room for herself, and one for him. They aren't going to room together, so it doesn't matter if you go, the cost is the same. He sounds like a loser, so I think you should stay home, and use the time to find another guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2010): we do have a laugh sometimes and he has bought me things sometimes, but lately i've been thinking about the negative things. unfortuantely, i'll have to look like i'm enjoying it when we're infront of his mum, but after the holiday, i can decide what to do. we are going somewhere else in the uk, not abroad, so i could have cancelled if i had wanted to, but since he is threatening me, i guess i'll have to go.
he said he wants us to put the past behind us, meaning about that woman, and try to fix things, and he thinks this holiday will help fix things, but i dont know. this woman used to go round to his flat, she was friends with his next door neighbour. i know for a fact that they arent intouch on facebook anymore, as she deleted her account, and he hasnt seen her since last year, but i still dont like the fact that the lied about telling her he fancied her. i cant tell him how i know, because, to be honest, i snooped. and apparently, she went after him only when she was drunk. and she stayd at his once because she had been on a night out and lost her bag with her house keys in, and his next door neighbour wasnt in, apparently. i know, maybe nothing went on necessarily physically, but i still dont like it. i used to be on and off with him, and we werent together at the time.
obviously, his mum doesnt know everything about our relationship, and i guess she would be biased because he is her son anyway, so thats probably why she suggested that we go with her. the " you're dead " threat and the lie about the woman are the final straw for me at the moment.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (20 June 2010):
"You're dead if you don't come"
He blamed you for hanging out with this other woman.
He doesn't have a job because of "back problems"
He swears at you when he's angry.
He lies.
The list of things that is wrong here is quite big. He sounds like a total loser who gets pleasure out of bullying you. Whether you want to go on the holiday is up to you. But whatever happens, I don't think this is a guy who offers you any kind of security, safety or love. I don't think you should be with him at all.
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A
male
reader, Sombrematto +, writes (20 June 2010):
I personally would go now, because it's too late to pull out now and it would be unfair to his mother as she had paid for you. Just try and enjoy yourself, maybe relight the spark. And maybe if it doesn't go well just finish it after the holiday. But go on holiday and try to Enjoy yourself!
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