| A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes: What can you do,if you did everything to change things in your marriage,but ,it is not getting better? I feel Im stuck in here forever,with a man ,who might not love me at all,and we are just wasting each others time. I just can't figure him out. I can't trust him, or enjoy to be with him. I want honest opinions, ,I don't mind if they are very blunt,but I just can't measure up,that if I'm thinking right,or I need to see things differently.So ,it is a long marriage ,raising kids together. Who are grown now, but with lots of problems,as my husband didn't do too much to shape them. Here are the things what is missing from marriage..sex,intimacy, joy,doing things together, agree on fundamental issues ,regarding extended family and friends,working 14hours everyday. Here are the things,I get from him. Paying the bills,so I dont work. And for now that is about it. Otherwise we are roommates. Of-course ,I could write a 10 page essay,but I dont want to bore people. So my dilemma is ,is this a reasonable thing for me,if I m thinking of leaving? What else can I do to save this marriage? Here are the things I did. Got my body in shape,so it is not a reason,found activities on my own,so im not 100% clingy. Trying to leave him to work as much as he likes. Went to counselor.Tried not to be right all the time. But I feel so depressed. I feel I'm waiting for a train, what never comes. Please tell me your thoughts.Thanks
View related questions:
depressed, roommate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (23 June 2010):
 Hello. Its only bad for as long as you allow it to continue. Youve mention the things that you have done but what has he done? If you took on the role of mother and father to the children and left him in peace because he "worked" and you kept a clean house for him, tended his needs and didnt expect much input from him, because he "worked". Then its not surprising if you began to feel 2nd class. And i imagine over time he began to regard you as 2nd class or atleast little more than the housekeeper. Now the children are gone. All their love, affection and attention has gone with them and revealed a gaping hole! You may not have worked outside the home but you have worked! Probably a darned sight harder than your husband too. So now you're doing all the work, trying to rescue the marriage and nothings changing. Well he hasnt changed anyway! Its time to put the ball firmly in his court. Ask him what hes prepared to do to make things better. If hes not.interested in making time for you, then tell him you would like a divorce. If that doesnt wake him up then maybe divorce is your only option. But never think you have to put up with him and be unhappy and neglected because you really...really dont. The only thing stopping you from finding a happier life is fear. I was married for 22 years. And then i reached a point whereby i couldnt face spending the rest of my life as his cook and cleaner...and little else. I repeatedly told him i felt alone and neglected. He just tuned me out and ignored me. So i left him. I was single for 3 months then met a lovely affectionate man who DOES appreciate me. We have been together for 4 years and i dont regret leaving my ex husband for a moment. If i have one regret... its that i didnt do it sooner. You dont have to be unhappy x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010): Did he ever cheat? Is just the mundane of life bringing you both down or was there a betrayal that further spread you apart? Do you have anything in common anymore? Have you tried taking a vacation together?
Do either of you feel passionate about your lives anymore? Maybe it has more to do with that than your connection to each other. If you're unhappy as individuals, then why would you be happy as a couple. I'm going through a similar situation with my husband and determined that was the problem. Our lives have just been about logistics for years and we've lost "the spark" within ourselves, thus our relationship is suffering. Maybe try rediscovering what you enjoy in life and see if you can find common ground to explore that together in the relationship.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010): I always think it's sad when a marriage fails. What is really sad is if it does so without people trying to fix their problems.If however you know in your heart that you have done everything you can to make things work, and it, still isn't working, then maybe it's time to let go and move on to a new life.
...............................
|
