A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so here we go! Im 17 years old and will be 18 in november. Im a freshman in college and am persueing a law degree. I have been dating this guy for about 1yr and a half off and on. We dated for a good year and then he went away in nat. guard. He went away last year for basic trainning and AIT. While away at AIT i met another guy and was really crushing on him. I ended up kissing the other guy and dating him. WE dated for two months and then broke up because things were just weird. After that my ex came back from AIT and we got back together. It took him a while to forgive me but things were great. We dated for a month and then he decided to 'get back at me'. He randomly dumped me for another girl. I was crushed because he was my 1st for everything and i didnt know what to do. I tried everything to get him back and then after a few weeks i gave up. I then started talking to another guy and then my ex calls and tells me him and his girlfriend broke up and he missed me. Well i then dropped the other guy and went back out with my ex. We have now been dating again for a little over 2months. Before we got back together i was a little interested in this guy at work. Well suddenly this other guy and i started talking often and would hang out with eachother. I would see him more then my actual boyfriend. Until recently i told my boyfriend i had a crush on another guy. He know has started to see me more, buy me things and show more love for me. The other night i went to a party with my guy friend and he kissed me. It felt amazing amd now im even more confused. The guy friend tells me i need to make a decision either to be with my now boyfriend or dump him and be with him. I know my guyfriend cares so deeply for me and is just about in love with me. My boyfriend now adores me and wants to marry me. My boyfriend leaves for Kuwaitt next year and will be gone for most of the summer and then 6 more months. Im to young to be engaged next year and im stuck. Please help me!!!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (14 October 2007):
You are one fickle girl. I suggest you make clear to the guys you date that you are not ready for an exclusive relationship.
A
female
reader, toughlove +, writes (14 October 2007):
Generally, the relationship has the validity over a new attraction because you aren't supposed to start other #$@# while you are in a relationship, but I am not sure this applies here because you have both been treating your relationship like a doormat the whole way through. First, you leave, then he gets back at you, then you break up with someone else and get back with him, but now that you are back with him, you don't even feel like you have anything worth holding on to because you have been addicted to the newness of old or new love rather than the hard work with uncertainty of success that constitutes a real relationship.
I wouldn't give yourself so much leeway for being young either, age is basically just a number that grows with every year of life, not some kind of an intrinsic attribute of you that gives validity to your decisions.
What this decision is really about is boyfriend #1, not guyfriend #2. You already got back together with #1, but now you are not sure if you forgive him for leaving you or trust him. I think you should give yourself time to clear that up WITHOUT getting #2 involved and really complicating things. If you are going to start something with #2, you don't want it to be a spur of the moment thing and you don't want to let him pressure you into a quick decision.
You shouldn't have kissed #2. You are not in a place right now where you can let yourself develop that attraction to him, and now you both are going to want more. I would sit down and talk to this guy and let him know that you want to be fair to him and make responsible decisions, and he should be understanding. If he is not, he was not worth stressing about in the first place.
I understand how conflicted you feel, but the bottom line is: you can't have two guys. If any of them now do to you what you have done to them, you will feel jealous and betrayed, so that's how you know that the way you have been acting is not right. No matter what #1 has done to you in return, what you've done is still wrong. You have been unfaithful. I have been like that before and I've changed and you need to change too. One thing you don't understand is: your infidelity didn't begin when you kissed #2, or even when you started SPENDING MORE TIME WITH HIM THAN YOUR BF, it began when you just started flirting. Infidelity is in your mind, it is in how you look at men. Being the way you are ultimately caused you to be very unhappy, and let that be a lesson to you.
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A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (14 October 2007):
 I think maybe you are not at the right point in your life to be in a serious relationship, you two have been playing games with each other for a while if you are really in love with someone you do not try and get them back for something that they have done to you, my husband had an affair last year and we are now back together but i would not even dream of doing the same thing to him because i know just how much it hurts.
Maybe you two are just not right for each other and if you think you are not ready to be engaged yet then that says it all babe.
Take care.xx.
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